Red shoe Diaries

When I was younger..I used to watch Red Shoes Diaries. It was soft core porn for women..which is exactly what soft core porn is. ANyway today I was browsing through Hulu.com and came across the movie...the actually beginning with David Duchovny's character's story. I never knew the beginning.. to me..this was only a show that entertained and got my sexual frustrations out..atleast mentally.
Anyway the actual movie is sadder...Its about Jake (David's character) and his fiance, Alex..and her death...and after her death he found her diary...and in it...she wrote about her affair with another man named Tom....a man she described as "So different from Jake, there could be no competition....no complication". And even though I think..damn she was wrong (hell she is dead, cant kick her when she is down), I also thought..Shit that must hurt Jake like hell to read that. I mean really..if I had to read something like that..I would have wanted to kill the heifer myself..unfortunately she beat him to it and killled herself.
Well there were points in the movie I understood...as a woman...to want more. ...to feel neglected and be tempted to seek attention elsewhere. I could empathize with Alex. There was a scene where she shows up @ Tom's dressed in black leather and ready to rock his world...and in it she says ..she was high of a power aphrodiasic ...CONTROL! Control is such a sexy thing...to be the one to dictate what happens next, the other person's actions, and more importantly reactions.
In another scene she tells Tom he doesnt know her and she doesnt now him, his response is "I know everything I need to know about you...You are beautiful , you wear $200 shoes and you are with someone who doesnt make you happy"..and her reply..the most powerful sentence..."Thats the thing..he makes me too happy".

Red Shoe Diaries....the movie...is a must see.

becoming one of them....

Its official ...I am one of them. The kind of people I swore I would never be. The kind that talks to their dog and sleeps with them, even spends hours playing with them and actually thinking there is nothing else I rather do. I coo...yes I said coo at other peoples dogs and cats. Pet pitbulls like I had no fear and enjoy being slubbered on by baskethounds the size of horses. What have I become.
Two years ago Hubby and I were having a discussion about dogs. My response...they are for the outside...they are not even to enter my bedroom..however today as I am awakened by something licking my hair....I realise the change that has occured.
Yesterday Knox had his last vet visit...thank goodness....cause he is breaking my bank. Between that , my trip to Memphis , unexpected expenses of buying new tires and crap that life is full of... I barely had enough to play with.
However I did learned how small the world can be. So at the doggy park yesterday we met a girl and her dog, a pit named Capone...yes like Al Capone...he is the friendliest thing ever and ofcourse Knox who adores bigger dogs ran off with his new friend. So happens this girl lives in the same apartment complex as me...great coincedence...then to top it off another lady with her Lab and Boxer mix joins in the convo and aparently she, who doesnt not live at the apartment complex but is friends with the one of the managers, heard about how cute Knox was and but wasnt too sure if I was the person her manager friend was talking about. But throughout the conversation she realizes who we were and was very excited to meet us. So now Knox and I have two other friends to add to the list.
My trip to Memphis was okay..uneventful, I wasnt too impressed with the city itself but I loved my hotel room. The last time I stayed in a hotel it was me and Hubby so it was kind of lonely having to be there alone. I wasnt even inspired to go out to a bar or anything...sure I did a little shopping, drove around and admired the houses but other than that I stayed in enjoying the few days I would have HBO at my disposal.
School is to begin on Tuesday...I still have the books they sent me in the box. I opened to box , but havent taken out the books. I guess I am prolonging the inevitable as long as I can. Just the thought of it has me sighing heavily.
Anyway I am going continue cooking..its 1030 and I am making lunch like I am Susan Home maker...I think its cause I havent cooked in days (okay..weeks) that I am feeling guilty.
Maybe I may go out before I have to work...hmm maybe

Soical life is looking up

Since I have found Knox I have spoken to more people in my neighborhood in the past two weeks than I have the entire year I have been here.

I even went outside of work with a co-worker to the doggy park and plan to go with another next week. Its crazy, who knew dogs were such people magnets. Maybe I will actually make friends that I feel comfortable inviting to the house or something..Just maybe. Thats a big step for me..it takes alot for me to let someone into my space.

Anyway just wanted to throw that note out there.
Bye again

Making Strides

So remember when I said this year I will be making steps to advance my career...outside of going to school ofcourse. Well today I did it...step one.. participated on a committee..(which truthfully consisted of me and another person) to devise a checksheet that all of the nurses on the floor can use...the goal : to minimize missed orders and errors and get the Docs off our backs.
The reason I even signed up for the darn thing was because I was tired of hearing "this wasnt done, what are u nurses thinking"..however the blame shouldnt all be placed on us, we carry out orders, and if the Attending and the Residents are not communicating and are contradicting the other..what are we to do. Anyway the point was I got tired of it, and I jumped at the chance to help devise this thing from an orthopedic nurse standpoint. Surprisingly it went well today and we have an actually product we want to shop around to the other nurses and get their opinion. I am very proud of myself.
I also signed up for a couple of nursing journals.Maybe reading about the strides others are making in other parts of the world would inspire me to do more...maybe...just maybe.

Today Knox and I visited a Boarding House. I was checking out the place inanticipation of him staying there while I was in Memphis. So far it doesnt look too bad...I plan on doing a little more digging and hearing from customers before I decided. I also took him to his first doggy park. I have to admit..I was a bit weary. The kid is 2.4lbs. An ittybitty ball of energy, who can get stepped on if you dont tread carefully. Well he loved it. He is definately dog and people friendly.

Our trip to ATL was great also. Surprisingly he was very quiet and manageable. And his potty training is going well. But I am still going sign up for the Puppy Training classes from Pet Smart.

Hubby called a couple of times..and both times after I hung up the phone I was literally skipping down the street. I miss him alot and it feels so good to hear his voice. I was looking up tickets to Germany....I would love to go..but I know I will have to work some serious overtime to afford the vacation I want. But I will do it. I have a plan, particpate in all the workshops, continuing education classes and precept my ass off at work on top of my regular schedule. I know it will be a wear on me working fulltime, school full time and Knox but I think I can do it.

I do have a revelation though...Having Knox have kept me from being lonely. I am so tired and busy caring and playing with him that the day passes fast and I am too beat to lay awake at night thinking of how much I miss hubby. Atleast not too long though.
Anyway I am off to finish clean this place up.

Knox is costing me an arm and a leg.

For a little fella he is expensive...
$250 apt deposit
$200 DOG ACCESSORIES , GATE, PENS, FOOD ETC
$200 DOG
________
$650- THE COST OF COMPANIONSHIP

Maybe I should have adopted a kid....whoa...anyway he is worth it. Today I go back to work, and leave him home for a while...I am hoping he does well. He is slowly doing well with the potty training, and is sociable beyond belief...ofcourse since he looks like a kitten , and has a face that can made the Grinch smile everyone falls for him and he relishes in their attention.

Had Hubby's nieces spend the night, they wanted to baby sit him...between them and the dog we didnt go to bed till 3am, and still with whines of "Can we watch one more show..pleassseeeee".

I work tonight, and I am back to the grind. And as we speak Knox has discovered the art of licking his balls...just like a man. smh.

I have come up with a plan for the year, so I wont feel like I wasted the yr

1. travel...upcoming trips include, ATL, Memphis, Trinidad, Japan, Germany
2. career advancement- go to more nursing seminars, join a nursing organization
3. continue racketball and bikeriding
4. museums
5. socialize more
6. enjoy the year

Yep...seems simple and retarted but I had to write it down.
My mother was thinking of flying down, but as usually she is a last minute person and ofcourse today is Monday she wants to come on Wednesday....that would be all fine and dandy its just when u buy last minute tickets they cost u $700, as they are qouting her now. She quickly scrapped that idea....I really wish people would plan more effectively.Anyway I am about to get started on this day. Get rid of all the paper work I have been neglecting the past few days.

Bye for now

Knox and Germany

Wow its been a awhile since I even attempted to blog about my day, but its 730 am and the new addition to my household has woken me up. I bought a dog. His name is Knox and he is a black and white Papillon who is currently obscuring my typing.

Hubby left for Germany yesterday morning, and I got Knox 10 hours later. Its strange, I thought it was an impulse buy , but I havent regretted him yet and so far he has made me uber proud by pottying in the designated area. He answers to his name and is slowly getting himself comfortable in his new surroundings.

As for Hubby leaving....I am too sad to talk about it...period. I know its only one yr but i know its going to be a long one. I really wished we had more time. They messed up his travel plans and he had to fly in a day earlier than thought...I was so mad I couldnt even speak. They cut me short of a day.

I am getting depressed thinking about it, i think Knox and I are going back to bed before I head off to church. He looks sleepy..and I feel...well...yeah I just feel.

slowly coming to an end

Vacation time is wrapping up.
Yesterday my class restarted again, I tried to keep it out of my mind so much I almost forgot to "attend" class all together.
Today my goal is to relax and prolong my vacation for as long as I could.
On my way to the movie theater now, my plan to see two movies....while eating my favorite foods. Yesterday we saw The Proposal, the Sandra Bullock movie.
I love Sandra, she is one of the few actresses that I genuinely have respect for as a person. The way she conducts herself on and off screen is admirable.
Today I am going to the old movie theater that shows movies that are already in DVD for $1.
May hit the gym today.
Hubby is busy packing and getting things in order for Germany.
Anyway I better go if I want to catch my show.

Vacation

So hubby and I left town for a few days, we ofcourse scrapped the cruise to Mexico idea.. and decided to be close to home but far enough that we can relax. So we went three hours away to Gatlinburg TN. It was great!
First day we spent checking out the city, its definately a tourist town...went to a bunch of Ripley's Believe it or Not places, like the museum, mirror maze and aquarium. But it was swelting hot . It was on the trolley ride we heard about Micheal Jackson's death, to say we were surprised is an understatement. That night swam alittle by the hotel pool and relaxed in the jacuzzi. We then went to Ober Gatlingburg. And I dont know who told my hubby and I, we liked roller coasters. Cause we dont...both of us and not "fond" of heights or rides that turn our stomachs inside out. But the brave and slightly deluded travellers we were decided we could do this. The first ride we went on was like a rocking baby carriage from hell. I kept praying the whole time with my eyes closed. Then I heard horrible screams ..and kept thinking would this person shut up they are messing with my concentration...I cant pray with all the screaming...well unfortunately I realised I was the one screaming then I forced myself to shut up. I should have known not to go on the ride...I asked that operator his accident rate on the ride...his reply "I never had an accident yet"..my heart soared...then I asked..."How long you've been working here"......"11 months" he said...I should have turned back immediately, but I went on anyway.

We then went to the Smokey Mountains..and on our trail...we saw a bear..two infact...mama and baby. I hauled tailed my ass back to my car after quickly realising what everyone else was staring and taking pictures of. Mentally I was planning my escape route, which included plowing through cars and taking out a few pedestarians along the way.
We ended the vacation by going to Dollywood...again our silly butts didnt learn from the last roller coaster ride. I almost lost my breakfast and lunch. We got wet on the water rides obviously underestimating the signs that said "You will get Wet!". Cause our change of clothes was in our car..in the parking lot...behind God's back. Took us forever to go there cause the damn Tram bus obeyed every traffic and non traffic like law made to man. It was like being driven by Morgan Freeman who thought I was Miss Daisy.
So now I am back ...still on vacation for the next few days but back in Chatt Town. I realised after getting up and hitting the gym..actually working out and feeling good about it..having late lunch, drinking Bailey's Irish Creme and reading smutty romances in my rocking chair in the middle of the afternoon.....I like vacation..I like it alot!

just maybe....

So I am sitting here on my day off refusing to go out in the heat (98 degrees), watching my new HBO vampire series. Trublood is the name of the show, the book is based on a Sookie Stackhouse book series. Its pretty graphic the series and doesnt follow the book in many instances, but its very good.

Havent done much today, dont feel like it. Wished I had an extra day off tomorrow but I go back to the grind and even the thought of it drains me.
Havent finished cleaning my house,
Havent finished doing my paper
Havent done anything today worth crap
and dont feel like it
Hubby just walked in , shirtless and hot looking. From the shirtlessness I get its f*ing hot outside. The hot looking part makes me think...if it wasnt so hot I would make an attempt to entice him back into bed. Its too hot to entice.

He is back out the door, off to the gym ..crazy ass man working out in this heat. Not me .....I think I will sit here in the shade.

Maybe I will hit the town later....just maybe.

Sitting here...

With 20 minutes to go before I have to get ready for work, I am sitting here trying to knock things off my to do list.
Have you ever hid something so well that you hid it from yourself? You dont know whether to say "Good Job idiot now you cant find it!" or "wow I am really good at hidding things".
Anyway I think looking at the calender and staring at the words "Vacation" which is coming closer and closer has made me lazier and lazier. I have no energy or enthusiasm to start my day....its ridiculous...however soon as I know I have a day off I get up like I have a job interview @ 6am...bright and early ..up and attem I am ready for the day.
Played a little racket ball the other day and I realised...damn I suck...well I dont feel too bad cause Hubby isnt the greatest player as well. So it was comforting to know I wasnt the only embarrassment in the family.

I am hoping its a slow night at work...I am truly not in the mood..I have become just like one of my collegues who was awaiting her vacation time to Hawaii...she had a "I dont give a rats ass" look on her face for 4 whole days before her vacation kicked in...her report was vague and contained only the basics. But I understood her feelings. I understood that in her mind's eye she could see the sun, and sea and smell the salt water and feel the sun rays on her body, and then she would open her eyes and she would hear someone call for "Nurse of room 13", like she didnt have a name and feel the chill from the central air, which is always on 50 frigging degrees cause everyone and their mother is having hot flashes and can see the chaos of people running back and forth trying to get sh*t done before the end of their 13 hour grueling sh*t fest of a shift.
I understood her feeling...and I think I am there now.
I am where she is and I am trying to hold on to the image of sun, sea and sand.
I am trying...

Been a while

Yes its been a long time since I signed on to the blogger website. Its not that I dont have a lot to tell...oh I do..just been telling it in person to everyone else.

Lets see....
Still in school (online) ...still annoys me to write a paper every month. However I am thinking about retirement...yes I know you must be thinking..what the hell, she's not even 30. But I tell you some of these patients are going to pop my back out....I know it, hubby knows it, and I can sense it coming..so I refuse to be that 65 year old nurse at the bedside trying to lift up that 88 yr old 214lbs woman who decides to drop all her weight on me while attempting to get her into bed (yes it happened to me last week and I swear it still hurts when I breathe)
So, No! that wont be me...so my back up plan is to teach....find a nice cushy job at a university so I can sit on nice buttery soft leather chairs and tell new nurses how not to make the mistakes I made. Thats my back up plan.
I also started researching IRA's and other retirement funds. This is serious!

Hubby is going to be stationed in Germany for a year. Yes I know...I have finished doing my "boo woo woe is me crying session", I will shed no more tears about the situation and will suck it up and make the best of the time we have. I have passed the "angry and sad" stage and now I am in the "acceptance" part of the grieving stages. I have made some steps to help alleviate the craziness and loneliness that I am bound to feel during that time. I have joined a gym. Yes...I finally broke down and joined a gym. Not to "work out"...its more to play sports (racket ball), swim in the pool and socialize. I may also take more road trips out of town to visit friends.
One of my good friend's , "M", is moving to Georgia, less than 2 hours away. So I wont be too lonely.

I may also visit Trinidad some time next year as well..but thats still in the planning stage.

My brother is still in Japan and apparently he is playing phone tag with my voicemail. We just cant seem to sync up. Lots to update him on. I had to curse him out via email though on sicing my mother on me about not answering my phone. There is a rule we live by in my household, "whatever you do, dont tell mom cause she is going blow it way out of proportion and take it to a whole new level of BS". Its nothing against my mother, its just her nature. And my brother and I know this, and we compensate for it. He broke the rule, so I tore him a new A-hole via email. But we are over it now.

Hubby's mom is doing much better after her surgery (got her knees done), she seems more open. hmm

I go to NY next month, to see my girls and the family. Only 5 days but I am sure its going to be eventful. Mom's been keeping me abreast of the family's goings and comings...but it will be great to see everyone. Too bad my brother couldnt be there.

Next week I begin my vacation time, Hubby and I will be going out of town...somewhere not to far but not to close either. I think it would eb great to get away for a while.

Anyway thats all I have to report for now...so there you go Shy, this is your "update".

Been such a long time

Yes I know I have graced the webpages with my presence. Just busy.
But I am so excited about something I had to share. So as you know I am going to school for my Masters in nursing education (online). Still sometimes I wonder why I am doing this to myself, but I forge on anyway.
At work they gave me a precept....a student...finally! Finally someone made the mistake, looked at all their choices and said..."Damn I guess the only choice is Mell". LOL. Just kidding
But it was great, I couldnt hide my glee. So my student is a 19yr girl from California in her 2nd yr of Nursing school. Unfortunately and fortunately I guess, the night took off running, we barely had chance to eat or pee. I kind of felt sorry for the kid. Ofcourse like most people its hard getting used to being up all night, so by 3 am the kid was yawning.
lol so to wake her up I had her do her first foley placement on a older gentleman who as he said "I dont care, just do it I need to pee!". So because of his willingness I threw her into the fray of things. Thats when she got excited. And then I remembered nursing school. I remembered what bored me to death and what got my heart pumping. Sometimes when you are working day in and out you forget the skills that took you years to perfect, and now just look at them as chores. So now I decided to make her night shift clinical experience a heart pumping one. I even prepared a scheduled and checklist of skills to complete. I havent been this excited about nursing in months. It feels so good.

OH and in school I finished my first 2 classes, got a A and a B respectively. Hopefully I can be more organized than last time. I felt like I was just doing a half -assed job. So I have now been motivated to do better and be a little more ahead of my assignments.

On the home front everything else is great Hubby just finished his last exam and infact his graduation is next week. But ofcourse being anticlimatic as he is he didnt want to go to his graduation. I know he will be starting a new college in a month and still continuing his education, and for him its not a celebration cause he is not finished. But for me it is. Its one step closer to his goal, and we should always celebrate every milestone.
Hopefully we do go to the graduation , and I have the day off just in case. *winks*
I wanted to take pictures of him in his gown.
Anyway time for me to prepare for the rest of the week.

to my girl Mich

What the hell are u doing here...if I could run and hug you through the screen I would.
If you have my email addy email me and the number hasnt changed. So get back at me soon as possible. Hope all is well with Michael and the boys. Talk to u later

trapped inside

So I just spent 20 minutes struggling to get my new bike out of the apartment. After manuveuring through narrow hall ways, and trecherous staircases and I finally set the damn thing on the ground and I look up expectedly....and then my heart sinks. Snow flurries! I mean winter has passed and nothing...Saturday was 78 degrees and now!!!! when I am excited to go for a ride around the neighborhood....take in some nice fresh clean air...now! you want to bring snow. *sighs* Obviously It was a sign for me to take my butt upstairs and reorganize my calender and things to do list. Which I have been putting off.
My first online course is coming to a close...thank goodness..I cant wait. I know I have 3 more weeks left and 2 more big assignments to complete but mentally I am so over this class. I worked my butt off on my last paper and if I dont get the grade I want I am going to go off.
Hubby's mom has surgery scheduled for later this week....knee replacements...I hope its successful because I know it pains her to walk. Most of my patient's who have had these surgeries say even though they feel pain from the surgery its much better than the pain they felt when walking. She's in my prayers.
His sis and nieces are in town as well. Those little girls are hilarious...especially J....she is a talker, and A. is growing into a beautiful young lady....and N. is such a cutey. Being around them made me wish to have my nieces closer. Ah well. I was teaching them sign language , they pick up fast and ofcourse J. couldnt wait to use the sign "NO" to her uncle.
Our vacation time is looming closer but ofcourse Mr. Hubby will procastinate till the last minute. Its our first cruise and I know he is thinking...for goodness sake its in June and we have plenty of time. But we still havent booked hotel reservation, or figured out if we are driving there and in what, our car or a rental, clothes ...although he says he has...its a cruise....u never have the "right cruise attire", plus his idea of cruise attire is shorts he just cut from long pants he doesnt want to wear anymore....that is my idea of "yard work" attire. But we have had that discussion to death...so I decided to "do Me". In other words I am not waiting for his "procasintating-I will pack the night before-and miss my flight more than once- behind" ...no...I will get us ready. He can wear it..or not...dont care. And knowing him , he will fight me all the way. So predictable. *rolls eyes*
And with all the travelling thats coming up the conference in NC, his AT training , my NY trip all inbetween this time and July...we have no time to dilly dally...but u cant tell him that.
Anyway but I am excited about all the travelling though. I love to pack, and the excitement of travelling. Even when its not me going...I love just getting someone ready for a trip, it reminds me of when my parents use to travel alot from the US to the Caribbean. Just making the neccessary arrangements, packing and repacking and packing again..it was all exciting to me. Weird huh. But I loved it anyway.
Hubby threw me a curve ball the other day...talking about going to Germany. I swear sometimes I think he does this just to fuck with my sanity. But I dont feel like talking about that right now. Thats for another time.
Anyway I am off..lots to finish up

been a while

Guess between school and work its been hectic.Hubby is right next to me pretending to go to sleep , I know he is just waiting for me to get off the computer.lol
Anyway I finally bought my bicycle...a cruiser but with gear shift and brakes...which is apparently hard to find in cruisers. We went bike riding at a local park the other morning, it has been a long long time since I rode a bike. My knees and thighs were not happy with me, but it felt great.
My mother is moving to another neighborhood again...I think she should wait cause this is a more expensive place and although its closer to her family I dont think she should break her lease. owever she says she would be more comfortable there...and I guess at her age its understandable.
Tomorrow I have another class assignment...kind of getting sick and tired of weekly assignments that are consistent with online classes. I know the trade off is fleibility but man I miss my freedom. Anyway got to go...he is staring at me..lol.

one paper down a million and one to go....

I just finished and submitted a paper, a day early which is a great damn feat for me.
I have been off for 4-5 days, and now is when I decide to finish this crap, on the day I go back to work. I swear my procastination is amazing. However I did get the housework and errands out the way. Laundry is done, taxes, bills paid, hair done (I colored it!),vacation days submitted to boss, and all those phone calls and crap have been completed. I feel good on the home front but school is annoying me.
I am not happy. I wont give up on school, but I am not happy about having to cut my daily excursions short because I have a paper to complete. Or having to give up on going out cause I need to sit down and read some article that shows folks love for the pursuit of education. I am slowly turning into a bum...even as a I complain now. I can see you guys reading this and thinking this B needs to suck it up and do what she has to do. But truthfully I want to pout so excuse me if I flip you the bird (its my way of being friendly) and continue to bitch about my loss of freedom.
Gone are the days of doing nothing for 5 days straight. *sighs* I am becoming depressed...okay maybe not but I am feeling that I could be. I do realise its a pattern with me. Whenever I begin school I am never happy about it, sure I get the work done even put my best foot forward, but I dont do it with a smile on my face. Infact I am sure my face has a permanent scrowl.
Anyway I am done bitching for the day, I am going iron my uniforms and get ready for the night ahead. Bah Humbug!

What the heck was I thinking

As you all know I decided to take my ass back to school, complete my masters online. Now let me tell you, I dont know who told me this would be easy as pie, but if I see that person their ass is grass!. I am overwhelmed by the amount of material I have to cover. I havent been online doing anything but work since ..who knows when....the laundry is piling up and hair is back to becoming a ragged mess, as well as my friends are losing patience over my voicemail (apparently they have my meanful conversations with my voicemail than me).

Then as summer time approaches , and the patient census at work rises, I am having less and less opportunity to take a day off....it figures..just when I need it. But I wont complain, I wont complain (this is my new mantra..even though if u r reading this it is a complaint)

Quick Entry Drive By

So I finally am catching up with all those things I have been neglecting
I had a stack of mail on my desk I have been ignoring for weeks....90% completed...very proud of my efforts
Phone calls that needed returning...done
Paper work that needed filing....done
And now its time to get back to work. That I am not too enthusiastic about..but I will cope.
Ever felt like you just want to keep the world abay....not pay bills, not return phone calls, ignore your to-do list, not cook, clean or all that domestic crap you know eventually will catch up with you. Well thats what I did this past 2 weeks. And it felt great....sure catching up with my work now is a Bitch...but truthfully it was worth it.
Off to work and hooefully will have a good day....*keep your fingers crossed for me*

Finally Getting my Social Mojo Back

So Ladies and Gents, I finally went out..a night on the town. So I get a text @ 2:40 in the AM, or for those who work night shift...just after lunch, lol, and it says "We are meeting downtown Chillis @ 830 Friday. Be There". Now I looked @ the message and thought...I dont know this number and then it hit me...thats one of my bossy co-workers "D", who according to her I am in the "dog house" for missing last time's "Girl's Night Out". So I decided to go, make the best of it. Surprisingly I had alot of fun.Not really my type of music but I enjoyed it (we afterwards went to see her sons' Band @ a local Music spot).
My G/F from NY left yesterday morning as well...it was a short visit, but we had a ball. Ofcourse like everytime we meet up she tries to get me to go to a club... but she knows me and I know her..its not going to happen. Now I dont mind clubs but I am not a big fan. My idea of a fun night is me curled up on a warm couch, reading a cheezy Jayne Krentz Novel and eating cheetos. Thats fun to me. Anyway we both ended up sitting back relaxing and talking and finally fell asleep.
Hubby and I finally decided we are going on vacation , sometime in June or July...and its a cruise. I got prices down..and it doesnt look too bad. And I am putting my foot down..we are going. I need a break and He definately needs a break. He is working so hard with school, work and drill that I know its tough for him to relax, although he needs to alot. I think he needs a "Guy night out". No estrogen around him...no one asking him to do anything...he needs to have someone buy him drinks, stuff him with good food and talk about what men talk about ( sex, cars, and useless crap my Estrogen clad brain cant comprehend) and be offensive and sexist as he wants to be.
Unfortunately cause of my lack of penis..I cant do that for him..but he truly needs a break. He seems tired..and wound up tight. But I do think this vacation is what we both need as well.

I also found this great furniture liquidation place that has now become my "spot". So last week hubby and I stopped by, mainly cause my noisy and bargain hunting ass wants an Armoire....a Jewerly Armoire to be exact.
Ofcourse when I first told him I wanted one ...his reply was a raised eye brow and an ironic "I never thought I would be a co-owner to an Armoire"..to which I cheekly replied "I never thought I would be a co-owner to a canoe..but here we are". He smiled , which I translated as "Touche' ". LOL.
Anyway so in this store..or as I now lovingly call it "the spot!"..I found chair and ottoman to complete the living room all for only 45 dollars. I nearly tripped over myself getting it to the door. Lila's Liquidation apparently gets rid of the stuff other stores and business try to move...this batch was from a Hotel that closed. But yesterday in the midst of my errand running I ran into the granddaddy of all granddaddy purchases...I found my Armoire..and all for $120. Everywhere else I went to the starting price ($150-350). I almost had a throw down with another woman @ the store for it....she was drooling but I had the ticket in my hand...I watched her greedy little hands stroking my Armoire and promptly and proudly placed the "SOLD" sign on it. Then watched her face fall..I felt her pain but my joy was too apparent for me to hide my smile. Oh it was a good day.
But today however I go back to the work grind...tsk tsk. So much to do, uniforms to iron, food to cook, rooms to clean and bills to pay. I hope when i go to work I can find that "Happy place in my Mind" , I found last week. Last week I began dreaming of our cruise and subsequently went on a "mini mental vacation" in which nothing and no one could have gotten me out of..not even annoying paper work, overwhelmed co-workers, needy patients or over-zealous drivers who love to tailgate. I liked that happy place..I want to go there again.

Biological Clock ticking?...No I just want a dog

So yesterday I tortured myself again and went to the pet store again (for the millionth time) to play with the dogs. The store manager and I are now on first name basis...although he chastes me for "teasing the dogs", and tries to guilt me into buying one of my favorites... I know his job is to sell me anything , even though its not in my best interest. Now dont get me wrong, getting a dog is not whats not in my best interest, its the prices @ that pet store...the Lhasa Apso that I am fiegning for goes for $870. And the prices in the store can go up to $1700. Yes I fainte alittle when I first heard the prices but I got used to it now. Ofourse I can go to a breeder and get a dog cheaper, or adopt one at the pound..those are my options. However the point of this blog is to dispell those rumors (okay only my crazy ass friend Nat suggested this and the other crazy ass agreed) that my want for a dog is actually my biological clock ticking. Ofcourse usually I would ignore the "tick-tock" jokes , but I decided to nip this in the bud. All I want is a dog...a cute furry friend to keep me company when I come home after a long night. I have never had a dog..not even as a kid, infact up to last year my interaction with dogs have been limited to me crossing the street to the other side when I see one coming (yes I was one of those people!). I only recently developed this cannine loving courage. And like one of my girls asked...is it cause of the environment and want for a constant companionship? And the answer is yes its both actually...in Trinidad eventually I would have gotten a dog...I am sure but in NY there was no space, time, or ryhme or reason. It wasnt the environment conducive for dogs in my opinion. I thought about a cat..but I realised ...nah I like playing with the dogs...and they are very calming surprisingly. But dont get confused..I still get intimidated by big dogs but I am slowly overcoming that. Yesterday I went to PetSmart like a pet owner..except I am not one and that just makes me pathetic..but lets not discuss that. Anyway and I ran into a co-worker of mine who has a German Shepard....huge dog..looked mean but was actually incredibly calm and friendly. And she was telling me that this was her first dog ever and knowing she works long hours as me, she gave me tips on how she dealt with it. And I thought...if she can do it..I can. I have the same support as her...why not use it!
So I have put my foot down, no more dilly dallying, I am going to get a dog. Dont know when but it will be before then end of the year, I have to becareful cause I will be travelling a couple of times this yr and I am not keen on leaving any pet home alone for a long period of time, and Doggy Day care has always been suscipious to me..but we will see.
Enough pupy talk...I finally got my new phone. ABout freaking time..its a Samsung Behold ..just getting used to the touch screen feature...my brother is very proud of me for moving into the 21st century ( I know what century it is but I am late bloomer). He is teasing me that maybe I will get a flat screen TV next..my reply "Hold your horses...I am still getting used to the microwave!..lol"
I finally decided what to get Hubby for V-day ...its going be handmade and contains his favorites, cant reveal what it is cause he sometimes reads this. I am hoping to send my mom flowers but I got to get a move on that soon.
I have a meeting @ work today..gosh I hate meetings...sure we are getting fed, but I dont feel like sitting through another lecture on how we can improve bt yet how much we are appreciated...its like the "slap and hug" factor. When you diss someone but then compliment them to try to soften the blow. I always find that confusing..I say stick to one..dont play both roles of Bad Cop & Good Cop. However it will give me a couple of extra hours so I guess I will stick it out , might even plaster a smile on my face.
Anyway I am going to eat and relax until the time to go.

Catch 22's

Grey's Anatomy makes me laugh, cry and wonder...gosh thats me.
Like Yang and her victorian romance with Scruffy Red( the new hot soldier Doctor on the show). Gosh its exactly what "Strong Face" Yang needs to soften her up..someone who doesnt just jump straight for the sex, but tells her she should wear her hair up more cause they like the back of her neck.
Or Derek who cant stand that he has to save a serial killer's life (cause his own father was murdered) but still stands by to support his girlfriend cause she feels compassion for the man.

I know Grey's Anatomy is an idealic show that has no bearings on real life and absolutely doesnt resemble any hospital/work life known to man. But I love it still.
It takes me away to a fantasy place that makes me warm and fuzzy inside...same feelings I get from crappy romance books where the Guy and the Girl always have a happy ending.
Anyway its Friday and I have nothing to do.
Did my hair ..finally I look like a woman but for some reason its 1:40 in the evenning and I am refusing to smell like one...too lazy to take a bath. However I do want to walk among other humans and interact with them..so its a Catch 22. I may hit up Barnes and Nobles or BooksaMillion and sit and use their facilities like a Library.
I should shower...I know I should..but damn its the effort...I just dont feel like it. But I do feel like hanging out. I miss my girls. Particularly Shy. I feel like prattling on and on with another person other than hubby( he has work, exams and its Drill Weekend....so we only see each other in passing) .
There is supposed to be a Girl's Night out @ a local Bar with some of my co-workers...and although I want to come..a part of me doesnt. I am not big on holding relationships outside of work with co-workers...I like the Lines. I dont want to cross the Line between personal and professional. But I know if I go out a little bit of that line would be stepped on. People ask questions...curiousity, nosiness or just plain conversational piece. But I dont know if I want to dance on that line. However I do want to prattle on and on with someone. Another Catch 22.

Anyway I think I am going to shower...*drags body to bathroom* "Let the fun begin!"

Surprisingly Strange

There are always surprisingly strange things I find in my work bag when I decided to clean it out. And I often wonder..."What the hell!"
So I decided to clear out this mess I call a work bag and repack..and there I began to empty....
1. one dirty fork
2. one clean spoon
3. hundreds of cough drops scattered
4. numerous pens but none of them a red ink I have been looking for
5. chapstick that I can never find when I really need it
6. other junk to crappy to name
7. numerous of post-it reminders that I never remember to read.

And like the chaos in my bag...my hair lately seems like a representation of that. Gosh its a tangled mess. I cant take it anymore I quickly made an appointment with my hairdresser. Tomorrow I will look like a woman again...a woman who doest not look like her life is a freaking mess *tugs @ my hair and screams*

body trying to catch up

Sometimes working nights can wreck havoc on your body...or is it working period. I wish I was wealthy, man the appeal of vacations in St. Barts and no obligations to anything makes me drool. I know the saying money doesnt make you happy...but thats good cause I am not unhappy now...just tired as crap. I put my name down last night to be called off if they didnt need another nurse,,well all evenning I kept waiting for that phone call..the one which would give me the go ahead to sink into a deep coma-like sleep for 2 days straight. But I got nothing..and ofcourse ended up being late and to top it all off when I rush into work my name wasnt on the board..HMMM I looked it cursiously..."I was here last night..why wouldnt I be on, why wouldnt I have the same patient's from yesterday...maybe I didnt hear the phone and they left a message" *checks phone...no message ( my hope died). And then comes my answer..."Your on another floor tonight...not my decision". The horror on my face was most readable. But after the initial "I'm what!" that I shouted @ my Assistant Manager...I hid my disappointment with a shrug of the shoulders and a "Why the hell not..tonight couldnt get worst and if it does..its me..I expect it to happen" ( I mumbled the last part though).
So I thrudge my way down two flights to uncharted territory (the really sick folks). I dont know if I told you folks but I am an Orthopaedic/ Neurology Nurse...so broken bones from car wrecks (they dont ask to be here) & brain/spinal tumors and little old women requesting knee & hip replacements are my speciality (they elect for these surgeries). But the uncharted territory holds the chronically ill folks...people who are in and out the hospital so much they know the Weekday Lunch Menu by heart. As one nurse told me once "Our patient's are hurt, these people are sick". So it was great to have a break from monotomy....the nurses there were welcoming enough as well as were the Techs but I spent most of my time talking to my patients. Interesting how they live with their illnesses..and I feel for them..empathize with their want to go home soon as possible. On my floor most of the patient's try to prolong their stay cause they are unsure and afraid of not being well enough to safely care for themselves to leave (which is a legitimate fear). But here these folks have lived with their illnesses for so long that the little fact that they cant breath properly will not stop them from going home and sleeping in their own beds. Resilience...one of the few human traits I admire without resolution.

Anyway even though I left with a headache that had my left eye watering (signs of my tiredness), I was glad I got to experience a different floor. Also confirmed what I knew about myself all along...I adapt to change well...sometimes...too well.

Back on track..much better..no more vomitting

OKay its been a long week...all is well , happy to report.
Although I did have one patient who drove me to temporary insanity last week..but I am all good now (breathe it out)
I am happy to report I found a Church!...Yeah!
Today I sat...listened and I felt so good and then I knew...yeah...Its here I will be.
A friend of mine is going to be visiting from NY this month...my first visitor. Its feels strange. I wonder if I should make any "preparations"..but then I thought...I dont feel like it.
Working tonight...so I have to prepare for that...uniforms and all but again...I dont feel like it...I would so love to curl up inside with a good book.
I did however finished the four books by Stephanie Meyer , the one that begins " Twilight", and made into the movie. And I have to admit..for a "teen book"...this was great. I was hooked.
Anyway I am off to prepare for today and tomorrow...
Thank you Janie for your words of encouragement...much appreciated.

Tired of Brick walls of Indifference

Its funny...alot of people think the opposite of Love is Hate. But its not its Indifference. You see with hate or love there is a bit of caring or interest in what another person does..whether it irritates you or entrances you. But with indifference they can die today or live tomorrow and it wouldnt make you blink.
How can I communicate with indifference....I try and I am tired. So I wont...it hurts to much..its like walking into the same brick wall , I dont have the energy.

Two F'notes later and an almost crash (continued)

The computer cut off on me before I could have finished my story...
ANyway that was it ( I know kind of anticlimatic..but my mood has changed since I was writing that last post).
I am going to relax now...I am too tired and numb to care

Two F' Notes later and an almost Crash

So I have a cough..from a cold that just finished. Now this is a dry cough that is driving me crazy...throat is itchy...chest hurts...and its embarrassing as hell coughing. Now the reason I say this is because I am rationalizing and refused to even consider another reason as to what happened next. So this morning driving home from work...it went like this..."cough cough... hack hack...cough cough...hack hack...and then ...OMG! I am on the frigging freeway and I am about to throw up in my car while doing 50mph". I barely pulled over in time...thankfully I had a bag in the car...other than my purse that I lost my dinner in. For ten minutes I sat there trying not to throw up all over my car at the same time praying it would just stop. I hate throwing up. So after I disposed of my now barf bag, my only weak thought was.."What the hell happened". So my rationale is this...I coughed so much I stimulated my vagal nerve and caused that gagging reflex that led to the barfing episode. Thats my story. All I want is to be wapped up in a blanket and stroked to sleep. Last night @ work was better than the night before. The night before @ work...what could go wrong did...sure no one died but I felt like I was this close *puts index finger and thumb marginally together* to going off on someone. I cursed three times @ work...(okay it was under my breath and I was in a room alone trying to get collect myself)...but the point is ..I have never been so frustrated work before that I used the F word. I mean..all of a sudden perfectly fine people..become confused...then at the same time my head tumor lady decided she couldnt breathe...then all my other I had to have my hip replaced people were crying out for pain meds @ the same time...and ofcourse I hadnt done any of my paper work. I love working nights, however the down side of it is that its always understaffed...and you realise you are the only"reinforcements" you got. I didnt leave work until 9am...( I am usually in my bed by this time) ...I was pissed and in a very very violent mood..and what upset me more was knowing I had to be back later that evenning..for another round of "Super Nurse to the Rescue". For 12 hours straight I didnt eat...I survived on gum and saliva. I was so pissed about that that when I got back into work the next evenning I was determined not to miss lunch. That evenning went alot better...I even had time to help other folks out with their work and do a blood transfusion...which is a biggie to me cause it always takes me a long time just to make sure I have all that crap ready. But atleast I was in good spirits by home time. I was singing my goodbyes...hell..my report was so full of smiles the AM Nurses thought I was high. Ofcouse I was mainly happy I was going home and wont be back later in the day and a very crazy and violent man just got on the floor and I didnt have to deal with him. You could have heard his screams two floors down..cursing and carrying on...(apparently he didnt understand that with a broken leg you cant walk..and it was painfull to pull out your catheter..but he tried though..oh how he tried).

Social Mojo

So I am talking to a friend and he is telling me about his new found "sexiness". Or atleast how he is getting it back..or plans to. Fresh from a break up...and now finally getting his Mojo back. He said to me..." "you" let yourself go when you're in a long term relationship... i polished her and she took my "mojo". And I understand the loss of his mojo...in some ways I lost mine too..but I mourned the loss of mine years ago..and sure I vowed to get it back, however it just hasnt happened yet. Maybe I lost my motivation to find me MOJO. Who knows....but I didnt lose mine cause someone took it away , no..this happened years ago...I lost mine cause I got sad ( I was going to say depressed but I dont want anyone trying to call the Mental Health Department on me). lol
When I had my mojo I did things..like museums and art festivals, all day movie treats, dancing, walks in the parks....all by myself. The point is I used to be able to do these things without the want for companionship. Sure if I had a partner..it made it better but back then it truly didnt matter to me. I found joy in those things..getting up and thinking" Where shall I get lost today?". I enjoyed being with me..and only me. The slowly I started craving to share my sights with other people..but some folks dont appreciate or find joy in the same things I did. And while before that was okay..my mind wouldnt think twice of their decision..now I dwell on the rejection a little longer. And it slowly took away my joy for these things that made me happy.
However I decided my mojo will be back.
I made a list of things I am going to do
1. sign up for a self defense class/ YMCA/ Dance class
2. Hit up a winery
3. learn to love getting lost again
Thats it for now...all I got.

Funning thing about being a Night OWL

Although there are some disadvantages to being Nocturnal...I must say..I love the quietness of it all. Driving down the road and only 2 cars in sight..the solitude of it attracts me. Isnt that strange?

Days and Nights Blend

I have officially turned Nocturnal. This is day 3 of my up @ 3 am doing work like its 3pm. Yesterday I was up from Midnight to 2pm. First stop after cooking and cleaning up a little was Walmart @ 3am...infact I hit up two walmarts....I love that their doors never closes. Came home, relaxed, put away my purchases and then looked @ my living room and said "I got to finish this". So by the time I headed out again was 8 am and stores were opening and I am excited. I had the basics , sofa, lamp, pictures and dressed up fireplace. However NOW the living room actually looks lived in. Its now full of color (has a warm feeling), pillows, finally has more than one lamp and a rug. So after months of being here the living room is complete...and I am proud! It felt good to tackle that room and be done with it.
I have also made a pact with myself that I wont eat out for a month...okay its really two months but lets see how this month ends shall we. So basically I am relying on my own cooking and snacks from home. This is a huge feat for me but I am sticking to my guns. I am also trying new recipes. I am so used to cooking Caribbean food but I want to learn to make new stuff. So I am recipe hunting.(www.recipezaar.com is a great website).
What I do need in the house is some good liquour, and to restart my wine collection (left what I had with my mother in NY..yes I still regret that). You see the thing is I am not a drinker...but I love to collect drinks...especially foreign ones. My brother used to send me wines and spirits from all over the world, mind you they have never been opened. I just like keeping them. Now I want to start making speciality drinks. In front of me is a recipe for Pomergranate Cocktail...think later this month I will try it out, it looks uber simple.

Anyway after yesterday's activities I didnt hit the sack till 2pm and now I am up again. Well after Midnight to start all over again. It throws me for a loop...not that I have anything planned today..but it makes me miss out of the day's activity. However after all the spending I did I wont be doing much any time soon. My plan is to go to the DMV, watch the inauguration, staff meeting later that evenning and back home. Should be a good day..I do hope it is. I know so many people in the backs of their minds are afraid something tragic happens @ the Inauguration, and me like so many others are praying no one tries to take away the Hope this country badly needs now. So my plan today is to think positive, be happy and relax..cant worry about what could happen.

On another note was reading Tudor's Constantin's view on 21 Hints For a Happy Life ...and he inspired me..so I will share with you...Tudor hope you dont mind...
1. Marry the right person . This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery.
2. Work at something you enjoy and that's worthy of your time and talent.
3. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
4. Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
5. Be forgiving of yourself and others.
6. Be generous.
7. Have a grateful heart.
8. Persistence , persistence, persistence.
9. Discipline yourself to save money on even the most modest salary.
10. Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated.
11. Commit yourself to constant improvement.
12. Commit yourself to quality.
13. Understand that happiness is not based on possessions , power or prestige , but on relationship with people you love and respect.
14. Be loyal.
15. Be honest .
16. Be a self-starter.
17. Be decisive even it it means you'll sometimes be wrong.
18. Stop blaming others. Take responsibility for every area of your life.
19. Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did.
20. Take good care of those you love.
21. Don't do anything that wouldn't make your Mom proud.

ABC done lost their minds!

OMG..So I am browsing ABC.com ...watching my shows...and there I see General Hospital..new free episodes. They have finally made a Soap Opera online for viewing..entire episodes. I am so excited I can kiss the screen.
For more than 6 months I have lost touch with my soap..now its on baby. I missed two calls for my bro...which saddness me I do want to talk to him, cleaned my bathrooms and cooked for the rest of the week. I think I am going to roam Walmart in a while.
Just needed to say ABC rocks!

till the cops came knockin'...

Today I had an extra day off and I spent it with Hubby shopping for an Iphone or a touchscreen phone , and stuffing our face @ the best all you can eat Buffet "RYAN's". It was a good day...and ended even better, we stopped th beach where I went the other day for a late night look @ the water and stars. Saw these supersized raccoons..or as he calls it "Man eating Raccoons" with crazy eyes. We sat staring @ the stars until the Park Rangers put on their bright lights and informed us this is mainly a "daylight" park.
Didnt quite mind cause we sat there long enough anyway. Its been a good day..very good day

From PJ's to night gown...will I ever give it up

Yesterday I spent the day relaxing...
Got a care package from my mom that included one of my favorite perfume/bath sets, Trinidad License Plates for my car, and West Indian food products.
I was so excited about the bath set and took a bath immediately and stayed in my night gown all day smelling myself. It was ridiculous..I would be reading on the couch and I turn to my right..sniff my shoulders and think.."damn I smell good" lol
I stayed in my night gown all day..Yes I realised it was 2 in the afternoon , but I didnt care. When I went out later that night I placed my pants and sweater over my night gown and hit the town. If I was ever attacked..my attacker would have probably thought I dressed for the occasion. Obviously I am deranged.
Just finished putting some polish on my nails ...I am hoping we get to go out tonight. We are supposed to meet one of his old friends and I am kind of excited. Guess I just want to go out and do adults things...have adult conversations with someone other than him, and not from my work place.
I do have a stalker story to tell...in case I go missing , please use this as evidence.
So...I have a neighbour (3rd apt from my right)..either he is extremely nosey or a psycho path who is tracking my movements for the kill. Since I moved...every time I leave or come in...I see him..either by the window or by the door. Atfirst I thought it was a coincidence...but no its not. It would be 4 in the Am, 2 in the evening, 7 am or anytime in between cause I keep odd hours, this man would be there. First it began with him in the window....I remember one day @ 2 am I felt "snacky" ...so I ran to Krystals for fries and when I pull in...there he is peeping through the blinds..but the dumbassness about it was the lights were on. Why would u take so much effort to be clandestine and look through the smallest slants in your blinds but still have the lights on so I can see the entire outline of your body. I looked up...we both stared at each for 2 long minutes and then I did what came naturally ...I waved. But the bozo didnt wave back..which made it even more psycho like. After that it didnt matter what time I came in or left he was there..peeping through his blinds...However I continued waving to him to acknowledge I see his nosey ass..and now he waves back.
However he was now stepped up his game. He now opens the door..looks at me...blinks..head nods and closes the door..just like that...I swear..has no legitimite reason for opening the door and has done this repeatedly. Now I wonder..what the hell does this guy do all day..I see no car...he doesnt leave the house at any point that I recall..and I dont know if its him alone in the apt or does he live with someone (mainly I dont know cause I dont pay attention). But from now on I will...he is on my radar now!!! I swear I may have a psycho in my complex. I do know we house one rapist....( I looked up convicted felons in the area and low and behold there is one listed to be living in the apartment complex..however he is not it...and I memorized this guys picture)
Anyway thats my psycho story...
I am off to fold laundry, watch some online tv and get my uniforms ready for the weeks ahead.

Tired of apologizing

Ever got tired of being the only one who says "I'm sorry". Its like whether you are the wrong or wronged party , you're always the one to call truce. Well truthfully I am tired...plain old tired.
Tired of being the one making an effort to not wake up mad in the morning, but I hate when people just want to hold on to their anger.
Well you know what...hold on to it! Hope it keeps you happy.

Muscles

I am sitting in bed, watching hubby move about the room shirtless talking on the phone, and I must admit I am lusting. His shoulders and back muscles are getting me wet, which is very embarrassing to say however I find myself staring. Sometimes I watch him come out of the shower and just pray for him to drop the towel, like that D'Angelo video, you know the one where he is naked. My favorite part of his body is his torso...he has been complaining of getting a little stomach but I dont see that...all I see is abs and think of sex. Maybe is the beer I am drinking that has me horny, or the fact that his left nipple looks so damn suckable.
Anyway obviously I need help...
okay I am going to stop lusting and go back to my book....
*talks to self * Concentrate..concentrate...concentrate*

The Beach and Pajamas.

Yesterday I had an incredible urge to see the water. So I went to the beach.Its 49 degrees here but was so sunny and bright. It could have easily been mistaken for July if not for the winter coats. So I sat in the comfort of my warm car and stared at the water.
Then it hit me....I must live near the water. Probably not the beach....a lake is more than sufficient. The water was so calming and relaxing I almost fell asleep. But as I sat as stared I couldnt help but think...."WOW God is so incredible" Who else could have made the clouds, trees, lake, sand, grass so beautiful. Peacefully doesnt even begin to describe it. I wish I had a camera, but I was still in Pajama pants so that will tell you I wasnt prepared. I just came home from work that morning, took a shower and put them on and was out the door like I was dressed to impress. lol

Thats another thing...lately I have been living in these green pajama pants with bird prints. I had a nurse preceptor who told me when she is home she stays in her robe and only takes it off to pick up her kid. At the time I thought....thats depressing. But here I am on day 2 of my days off and I am still in my pajama pants. Now mind you I have left the house...which is the most embarrassing thing of all. Yesterday I looked like a green Leperchaun..I had on green top, green pajama pants and green sneakers. A site to be seen, but I didnt care...these damn pants are so darn comfy. As I told my hubby "keeps me warm when I want and cool when I need"...
He laughed @ me too. I used to laugh @ people who wear pajama pants out in public..but it seems I have lost my sense of shame. Ah well *shrugs*

Anyway I am going to take a shower and I promise I will not put on the pants today. Today I will look like I belong among people. lol who knows...

Back to the Grind

So I work tonight...seems like forever since I went to work...lol
Anyway I got up relatively early for my standards...10 am and got started on my day...
so far laundry is done, food is being made for tonight's lunch and the place has been vaccummed and cleaned.
YES I am proud of myself too. However tomorrow I do have other errands to run as well.
I am hoping today I nap by 2:30 and feel rested enough to deal with the night ahead. I feel like Ali...ready , and reved up to go fight the battles ahead.
And as I was saying earlier about the Financial Warchest, now although I do believe in it...and everyone man or woman should have one...I dont believe their is need to intentionally hide it from your spouse. I am sure they will understand the reasoning and you should urge them to have their own. Its not about them or a measure of your committment to them....no its about you. Having your own sense of security. As women we are obsessed with feeling secure....on dark nights we walk to our cars with our taser and flash light in hand, we double check our locks when home alone, we make sure our kids are buckled up in the back before we even place our own seatbelts on. This is just another sense of our need for security.

Anyway enough about that....Last night I was playing "21 Asinine Questions" to pass time and entertain myself. So the question was posed....if "you , a woman, got in a freak accident and you were told they have to remove your vagina , how do you keep your man from leaving you after 2 months". Now I thought about it and I said " I didnt use my vagina to get my man so why should I have to use it to keep him." However the responses around me went something like "oral...anal....toys" And it hit me...why do we as women think our pussy is the end all and be all. Maybe its just me but I truthfully think the Power of the P has been decreasing for a long , long time. It seems folks are so willing to give it up so easily for anything that its value has declined.
Its not revered anymore...you can get it anywhere. Well that was my crazy thought for the day...I am off to nap.
LOL ..I bet you Janie is blushing @ my "P" talk. lol

LAZY DAYS

Its so dark , rainy and gloomy outside.
My plans today was curl my hair (two hour job I am not looking forward to), do laundry (another 1.5 hour job I am not looking forward to) and be productive. So I decided to scrap all that crap....I am going do nothing...or atleast my version of nothing. I just put on some old reggae...old time Shaggy and decided to change up my office alittle. I need a little change. Ofcourse its really too small to change much but I think just moving to desk to another angle and moving the filing cabinet and maybe adding a plant or ornament will make it feel more refreshing.
In my defense though I did cook and clean the kitchen as well as living room. So I did do my share of "house work" for the day.
I finally had my nails done yesterday and shaved my legs....in the words of my significant other "Feel like a woman". And I realised sometimes the simpliest thing as shaving ur legs and putting on a fresh coat of nail polish on ur toes can make you feel a world better.
I also bought a storage bench to place @ the end of the bed. Very pretty tapestry fabric, I am using it mainly to store the electric blanket and other comforter.
Just spoke to my brother....his only compliant... "I just wish I knew what they were saying"....I suggested he get Rosetta Stone to learn Japanese...he suggested Japanese for Dummies....I said whatever works. His only friend is on vacation in Jamaica so I am sure when he comes back he will begin enjoying it more. I think its the fact that he is no longer the big man on campus as he was before that is bugging him.
Overall the day has been an interesting one...I concluded that I stand by my views of a Financial Warchest ( Go back a few posts)....I think it slowly breaks someone spirit to feel indebted to another person. I was listening to one of my girlfriends fight with her significant other..and it wasnt pretty...not at all. But I felt both of their pain and hurt and decided I will always instill in my children that Financial independence is important , not only for aquiring material things but more importantly to maintaining your spirit , your sanity. When someone throws back "what they have done for you" in you face at every argument or disagreement , I akin that to cutting you. Some things are priceless...and my sanity, pride and confidence are not things that can be bought. There are things people bring to a relationship that dont have a monetary value but should be appreciated as if it did. AOL was right.."Finances are the number one cause of couples breaking up"...damn that article!

Ending the Year with a bump....*thats the sound I make when i fall on my ass

I know its been a while but I have two wacky stories to tell...
1st...so Day before new years eve Hubby and I went roller skating @ a local ring. If I havent told you this before....I am not a skater...infact that was the second time in my life...yes folks entire life I ever put on a pair of skates....The first time...well lets say I injured my partner so badly that I believe I may have single handedly ended his family's generation (my skates.. his balls ...you get the picture). Anyway so hubby and I went roller skating , jist of it I fell thrice, took out a five year old kid and concluded that I am a "carpet skater"....has more traction.
We had so much fun...even though I thoroughly embarrassed myself. And I injured hubby as well...mistakenly poked him in the eye...dont worry he is not blinded. But obviously my skating partners always get injured.

Anyway New Years eve we took our butts to the zoo , dollar Wednesdays, can you say I love discounts. I got to pet a pony...their hair isnt as soft as I thought it was but it didnt stink as much as I imagined.
That night we rang in the new year eating pizza in bed, drinking beer & watching movies on Netflix.com. I think it was the best new Year's ever.
We also slowed dance to SugarLand trying to figure what would be "our song"...but came to no conclusion cause he is too darn picky. But it felt great to just keep the world abay and just enjoy us.
Its been a while since we enjoyed us...I sometimes forget how good it feels.

My brother also left for Japan...I guess maybe it hasnt hit me yet or maybe we are so used to having our relationship via phone that I dont feel like he is "gone". Christmas was nice though...everyone enjoyed their presents...my nieces were freaking excited about their gifts...Madame "R" ( my 8 yr old cousin) loves her presents as well, but I can sense in her voice she is misssing me badly..and I have to admit..I kind of miss the Prissy lil brat myself (and I say this with love..I know my cousin and she is what I say she is).
My dad supposed to be coming back to NY from Trinidad this month...but I have to see it to believe it...My brother said he wasnt eating well or taking care of himself as he should...which is not suprising. My father play's Santa Clause to every Tom, DIck & Harry with their hands out and forgets he himself has no groceries in his own home. It kills me but like I told my mother two days ago..."Y'all giving me a headache, I am going back to sleep"..in other words...I am not in the right frame of mind to deal with this...I may curse someone out...so tell me nothing for a while. Sounds selfish yes...but sometimes you just have to let go and let things run its course without doing a thing.
Anyway I am going to sit down and pay some bills...gosh I hate this time of the month.