I got an answer to my marriage question. For those who last 20, 30 plus years its about endurance, committment and forgiveness. Ofcourse I am realistic to know you can forgive but not forget. But have I forgiven? I dont know but I do wish I forgotten. I tried to delete the letter today..but decided to read it one more time. Got angry but left it there. I am not ready probably will never be. But I have been moving forward with us. I have been committed to us. I mean for goodness sake I am still here. Loving as hard and as long as I can.
I just wish I was back in my secure bubble of ignorant bliss. I didnt have to know. I didnt want to know. I dont know why its been almost a year and I am dealing with this now like its yesterday. No, I do know. Its cause I started writting again, and I am writting again so I wont keep my anger inside and snap @ someone.
I see us as one of those couples...20,30 plus yrs down the road and still together loving each other. Enduring the kids, the careers, midlife crisis , grandchildren, teenage pregnancies and finanicial troubles. I see him besides me. But for that to happen I have to let go. Let it go. And give me credit I have been doing so. In fact I have been doing a great job *pats self on back*
But I still get pissed...and lately this is my "pissed time". But I have to remember this too shall past. Its becoming my mantra. I am hoping this week will be better. Cause I am tired of crying...my tear ducts are dry.
2 comments:
Wow. I will pray for strenghth for you. Not sure I could be so willing to forgive or forget, however; I do know that marriage is a JOB. It takes work, and it's hard! So if you value it, push your sleeves up and get to work. I do think that writing about your feelings is a good thing. Keep writing! It's ok to be pissed!!!!!!!!!
Jen
One of the things that I had to tell myself was like Ann Landers said.. If a man wants to run around on you, they will do it on their lunch hour. I told myself that he could walk off today or ten years from now. I had to learn to take one day at a time. Get yourself a new hair style, maybe even color, dress nice, make up and feel good about yourself. Have faith in yourself that you are worth more than the person he had the affair with. A new hair style really makes you feel good. lol Let him see a difference in you.. the way you act.. more secure.. don't tell him all your feelings on how bad you feel... let him look at you and wonder who you might like. My neighbor was going to leave her husband. Ask yourself this question... Am I better off with him... or better off without him? My neighbor was a nurse and have to work nights. I suggested she stay w/husband, go back to school for masters, then leave. Daughter was 16 and son was 13. Kids would be home alone at night. She got her masters, taught college class for couple of years, this was 1985 and she is still with her husband now. lol Will keep you in my prayers. Janie
Post a Comment