Me Time-per Janie

You are right Janie, Me Time is just what I need.

Today I spent the day @ Barnes and Nobles reading smutty novels I refuse to buy on my own ...and picked up an organizer& planner. I like it ..its different from what I usually pick up...it has sections for a "personal/ social life". A personal life..lol...thats me being hopeful. Hoping I can take a proper vacation...one filled with Mai Tais and tropical sun.

My brother is coming tomorrow....I havent said anything about what happened between me and Dad but he sensed something is wrong and has been hounding me. Frankly there is nothing to say.  Its crazy how a simple "I'm sorry" would mean alot. But not my father. sighs*

Truthfully I dont think I am sorry would even change my perspective of him now. So Janie I know a thing or two about unappreciative parents. But I am trying to forgive...or so I read I should do.  I should forgive those who trespass against me and pray for them.

Even after I did that...I still felt the hositility within me. Its obviously not magic....I dont automatically  feel renewed and happy and loving towards that other person.  But I will keep trying. Maybe

 

lots to do

Alot of things to get done before the move but all I want to do is curl up and read a good book.

 Been alot of family stuff going on....I am not talking to my father at the moment  and decided to ignore the other members of the family. Money makes people greedy, venegful and possessive. Frankly I am tired....they can all stick it.

I am ready to leave ..its time...but until then I think I will stay to myself.

 

Carnival

I nearly lost my lunch @ the carnival . I had a bawl...after three rides I was ready to call it quits..but I pushed through to a fourth ride and then I said...Its over..I gave the rest of tickets to my lil cousin "R". She had too much of a fun time. I won her a big bear...a huge Huskie dog. Kicked some kids asses on bumper cars....smashed into those lil bastards. Dont feel sorry for them...they are viscious little critters.

And even after screaming my lung raw and having my hair turned out by upsided down rides...I still got..."you are an extremely beautiful woman" by this old white man...its funny how one lil compliment can be the cherry topping on a relatively good day.

I havent enjoyed a Carnival since before 1995.....I was a kid...a kid who downed 4 hotdogs right before this Cyclone of a ride and still came out giggling like I got attacked from the tickle monster. My aunt however didnt fair do well...she threw up on my brother...lmao.  Today I reminded myself of my aunt...4 was my limit ...when I was a kid I knew know limits...I was limitless.....today...I rid 4...not bad but not good enough. Next time I will forgo the fries and coke before the rides...next time...I will hitting 6 rides.

lmao!

 

Breathing easy...now what to do

Everyone is congratulating me...and I am happy...estactic but most of all relieved. However the question comes up after the congratulations..."so what are you going do now". I know I have all these plans...liscence to turn over, apt to rent, moving expenses to calculate and all that inbetween important stuff. But u know for now I just want to enjoy the feeling of its over. Just for a couple of days...I have everything infront of me...a list that runs like two pages long. But for now I just want to be.

I am not procastinating or even contemplating not moving forward with my plans...infact I am excited....unbelievably excited about the "newness"...the idea of starting afresh. I just want to take my time to get everything right. I have so many things here to wrap up , it feels good to just relax and not think about those things for now, atleast for the weekend.

And even though I am excited about leaving...I am also sad. I will miss my friends...my family...NY in general. I will miss it, all of it.

You know it reminds me of when I left Trinidad...I lived there all my life but I didnt once regret leaving. Sure at first I missed my friends, I was heart sick about long lost loves and I even missed my closet....yeah even back then I had a thing for closets. But after returning after two years of absence...I realised NY was my home now. I think it will be like that too. I will get so accustom to it...ofcourse this will be after the initial mourning period....there is always a mourning period for the lost of the familiar. 

 I am lucky that I get to experience different lifestyles...Caribbean life, Urban fast pace and now Southern comfort.  Maybe in a few years I will experience other places...like the European, Austrailia , Asia. I have lots of plans...but for now..I just want to enjoy the feeling of no pressure.....enjoy the feeling of doing nothing..atleast for today

 

I PASSED!

I PASSED! I PASSED MY EXAM. I am officially a NURSE!
OMG I just want to drop to my knees and thank God. And I did and I will.

A few minutes ago my only good news was that I finally learned the electric slide. Now its that I can live again...I am no longer in limbo. I can move on.

And to celebrate I am going to the Carnival tomorrow.

Strange but....true

 

woke up to sex

Unfortunately it wasnt me having sex...which further frustrated me. Apparently my neighbors couldnt get enough of each other...the night before and this morning. And although I am all for some good loving....subjecting me to your headboard banging on the wall jolly old time is not what I want to do first thing in the AM.

So now I am up....slightly frustrated. However I would tell you something, the night before  it only lasted 6 minutes...lmao...yeah I timed it. I know you must be thinking..what kind of sicko am I. Well what do you expect...if you want to have loud sex I must find something to amuse myself during that time. So I watched the clock...and gave a good chuckle afterward.

Anyway yesterday I took the day off and played "Lets get Pretty". Spent most of the day in the hair and nail salon. I admit...sometimes I am a pretty predictable person when it comes to my style of dress. When I got to the nail salon I usually bring my own colors...something light, off-white or beige....classic and neutral. But yesterday I decided I wanted to be bold....to be daring...so I am sporting Hot Pink nails on my hands (but ofcourse my usual on my feet). And although Hot Pink isnt so bad...it doesnt excite me as I thought it would. But the reason for me getting the color is because of my mood....I felt sexy and vamped up and I wanted my look to reflect that. I wanted to go to go home, get dressed in something with a skirt and experiment with makeup , then hit a local sports bar and show off this sexy me. Instead I took a bath and got lazy. I crawled right into bed. It was sad...here I am a young woman in my prime on a saturday night  looking good feeling good and I am in bed watching General Hospital on Soap Net. What is wrong with me! But today....today I vow I will show off my inner sexpot. Going to a family BBQ later on. My plan...to overdose on chicken. Anyway I am off to start my day.

P.S. to Janie...you got to try internet tv ...ABC.com is good...plus you dont have to battle for the remote

 

I am not perfect and I love it!

So I have many....many vices, fetishes and unexplained desires. One of them happens to be my love for Grey's Anatomy and today I was reminded as to why I love this show. Alex and Izzie two characters ....polar opposite but the best "relationship couple" on the show...in my opinion, hubby may disagree and say Grey and Shepard are the It Couple. But I say thats ridiculous. Izzie and Alex are so different...where he is dark and pessimistic she is light and optimistic. He guards his heart like Forth Knox and she wears hers on her sleeve like Barney the Dinosaur.  And some may think...they cant work they are too different. But me..I see them as Ying&Yang. They compliment each other...where one is weak the other is strong. They teach each other its okay to be yourself and not be perfect. And even though he screamed at her for butting in his business and she ex-communicated him (for a little while) for telling her she was a fool...they still both comforted the other when in need. Not only are they lovers (okay technically they r not because he cheated before they could do the deed and she dumped him) , to me they are lovers....but they are also friends.

Alex and Izzie one of the greatest love stories ever told...it goes down in history next to

1. Carlos and Damila (in Vampire-huntress series)

2. Samantha and Smith (in Sex & the City...yeah I got "Carrie fever")

Yeah Yeah I know they are all fictional characters...but you know what...its okay I can live with it.