Hate/Love relationship with pantyhose

My love/hate relationship with stockings,aka pantyhose. There is a general rule in the winter...and contrary to what the media and weather channel have tried to convince me...its still Winter  here in NY when its 48 degrees. Anyway the general rule is ...in winter wear darker or opaque stockings... in summer and spring sheer panty hose are the norm or nude legs. Now I only say this to the young lady..."S" who refused to wear a dress today in a show of solidarity citing "cold weather and lack of matching footwear" (yes people I am using this time to personally jab my friend in the eye).

Now moving on, to my love/hate relationship. Now I love pantyhose..especially sheer ones..they just bring a more refined, smooth look to any pair of legs. However my hate comes in the form of their inability to consistently carry a proper fit. Today I spent 30 minutes of my life I will never get back stretching out a two pairs of stockings in order to have these bad boys go past my knees. I want to know is it possible that they could pre stretch the darn thing so I wont have to stand on the heel of the contraption and pull the top with the little strength I possess before eating breakfast. I used to think it was just me, maybe its my height or weight....but no...its not cause I am not the only woman who experiences this.  So that leads me to brand shopping. I have been going about trying different brands of pantyhose to figure out what works for me.

So far Just my Size has won the first 2 rounds. They carry this "everyday pantyhose" line that are made for everyday wear. I may have balked at the ridiculous (there I go again) price of $3.29 for one pair of stockings (excluding tax ofcourse), but I got 7 wears out of it and a wash without tearing....I have to say I am impressed. However the price still has me clutching my purse...and I am a girl who is used to paying 99 cents for stockings at the Family Dollar or Kmart stores,  so when you tell me to pay triple that amount you can see I will still be looking around. So tomorrow I will be testing out Brown Sugar by Leggs. Lets see if they can win my little heart...for $1.29 they dont look too bad.

Anyway I wont torture you guys anymore about my relationship with stockings...but I just want to say this...."S"..this would be going down in my book! *waves finger @ u*

 

Never say Never

Like every other person out there things changes....desires, wants, needs, feels, and beliefs atler with time, age and experience. Today I am reflecting on things I used to think or want and changes.

I used to say:

 I will never have kids.....that was until I met someone that made me want them

I will never have an online journal for others to see....as you can see that went out the door this year...I still am private enough to censure myself, however this is as open as I have ever been with the public

I will never let someone make me cry....shrugs* shit happens and emotions are powerful

I will never have a pet...besides gold fishes.....lately pets dont seem that bad, or maybe thats my loneliness speaking..maybe in a few yrs I will get a dog or a cat...but I stand by my rule..no pets in my bedroom and definately not on my bed

 

But I do have alot other "Never's" that havent been broken...not yet that is

Never date a man who doesnt believe in God

Never forget to be selfish (knowing me..that would be easy..but as I explain to other's my selfishness is never at the cost of other's happiness)

Never place yourself in toxic situations (let go of those people who are harmful to your health...that includes mental health)

Never forget family comes first...you can curse them out in private but in public we are united

Never forget what you stand for...dont let another person tell you who you are and how you should behave

Never be afraid to do it yourself...being alone is better than having company you dont want (alone isnt always lonely)

 

 

 

 

Death of Chivalry...is it our fault ladies?

I am being told..right now in my right ear ( on the phone) that we...the women of this world need to protest the Death of Chivalry. Last night I spent most of the night talking about this subject. I got the opinion of two women and two men on what they thought happened to Chivalry.  And sadly they almost all agreed that women had a part to play in the massacre of this art.

They believe that when women started acting like men, putting up their dukes towards a man, forgetting that a man needs to feel like a man that they stopped seeing us as Ladies and just as females (opposite of male but to be treated the same as any other human). Now now ladies don't get your panties in a bunch we are not to take the entire blame. Men too have thrown some rocks at our friend Chivalry . But it makes me wonder...did chivalry die when the feminist movement arrived. Did us demanding to have the same perks (aka rights) as men cause us to lose our other perks that come along with having boobs.   But as many of my folks told me...Chivalry is not dead...just "dormant"....so lets try to resurrect it people.

Today your ta is to do something Chivalrous...aimed towards men and women...doesnt matter....I like to be chivalrous to my men also....my men = male species in general.

And for those of you who may be having with the definition....chivalry is exemplified by little acts of courtesy and deference. So ladies if it means opening a store door for a man today..do it...and gentlemen if that means standing up from your seat when a lady leaves or enters the room...by all means make her feel like a woman...feminine and sweet and she will stroke your masculinity to the top...lmao okay maybe that was a bit sexual. *shrugs* But you have to admit..it was funny. lol

 

reposted* Death of Chivalry (lets bow our heads)

Its so crazy to think Chivalry is dead....but sometimes it does feel that way. Like its been hunted down and slaughtered by inattentive men who wouldn't know that the woman walks in first through the door while you hold it open from the back.

The Death of Chivalry is a widely talked about subject among the fairer sex. We mourn its extinction, the same way we cheered for Angela Bassett when she burned the bastard's things in his car with that infamous Waiting to Exhale scene.....we mourn it in Unity. Because we all feel the lost. Sometimes I crave for Chivalry's comeback....I crave to be offered someone else's jacket against the cold, to have my car door opened first... to be lead through a crowded room with the feel of warm hands on the small of my back, to get that "Call me when you arrive to let me know you are home safe".

*calls out dramatically* CHIVALRY! where art thou CHIVALRY!

Maybe I am over reacting...I have experienced chivalry in pockets of gestures offered . Like a friend of mine who always insists of walking on the outer edge of the pavement, providing a barrier between me and the road or another who never fails to stand up from his seat and offer me it soon as I walk in a room. So maybe all is not lost. But why must I only experience pockets...small infrequent unrelated events.

I broached this subject tonight because I saw in someone's else's profile they hated the Death of Chivalry...and I then began to remember I am still in mourning for this lost art....display of kindness and masculinity.

 

the Death of Chivalry (lets bow our heads)

Its so crazy to think Chivalry is dead....but sometimes it does feel that way. Like its been hunted down and slaughtered by inattentive men who wouldn't know that the woman walks in first through the door while you hold it open from the back.

The Death of Chivalry is a widely talked about subject among the fairer sex. We mourn its extinction, the same way we cheered for Angela Bassett when she burned the bastard's things in his car with that infamous Waiting to Exhale scene.....we mourn it in <SPAN id=sp-3 title=" unity .Because, unity. Because, unity.Be cause, unity.Beca use, unity, punditry, unit" style="BACKGROUND: url(undefinedimages/bg_spellingErr.gif) yellow repeat-x left bottom; PADDING-BOTTOM: 2px; COLOR: #000" _backupTitle="null"> we all feel the lost. Sometimes I crave for Chivalry's comeback....I crave to be offered someone else's jacket against the cold, to have my car door opened first... to be lead through a crowded room with the feel of warm hands on the small of my back, to get that "Call me when you arrive to let me know you are home safe".

*calls out dramatically* CHIVALRY! where art thou CHIVALRY!

Maybe I am over reacting...I have experienced chivalry in pockets of gestures offered . Like a friend of mine who always insists of walking on the outer edge of the pavement, providing a barrier between me and the road or another who never fails to stand up from his seat and offer me it soon as I walk in a room. So maybe all is not lost. But why must I only experience pockets...small infrequent unrelated events.

I broached this subject tonight because I saw in someone's else's profile they hated the Death of Chivalry...and I then began to remember I am still in mourning for this lost art....display of kindness and masculinity.

 

The Tide-to-Go girl

I went to dinner @ one of my favorite restaurants Sugar Cane this week, I haven't treated myself out to a sit down, be served a decadent meal by handsome waiters type dinner in a long time . It felt good. In fact I indulged in another favorite...my Real Simple magazine (www.realsimple.com). Which should be every organized person's bible in my opinion.  I think in life we come across "favorites" , things that bring a smile to ur face, or just simply makes life easier.

While eating a bowl of callalo (which is dark green in color), some fell on my shirt (baby pink). In two seconds flat I looked like Kelly Ripa in a Tide commercial, I pulled out my Tide-to-Go and poof it was gone. I know I know...u never think that stuff works. But it does and I love it. So it goes in my "favorites basket". So if I really had to put all my favorites in a basket it would hold...a copy of a Real Simple magazine, fish cakes , callalo and macoroni pie from Sugar Cane, bottle of Ginger Shandy, Tynenol 3, cheezy romance from Brenda Jackson, an electric blanket and a pair of velour sweats.

So now I ask you what would your favorite basket hold?

 

 

found a buddy

I found a study buddy...this woman who graduated with me and I worked with on a previous project some months ago. She is also getting ready to write her exam. I am so excited. Two days a week....however she is in Queens so it may be a travel to see her. But I am willing and able.

My fishcakes were so good last night...I am being called to make an encore....a second batch...I may have to run to the grocery store to do that. But since its mid day and I am still in my PJs I dont see that happening anytime soon.

Anyway I am off to get dressed and look human again....

 

 

 

Domestic /Toolbelt Diva

Well as I have stated before my craving for fish cakes have left me with the memories of their taste in my mouth. So I decided to make my own...gasps* ...I know. First time trying this recipe and I am happy to report...no one in the household has died from my cooking...it actually turned out better than I expected it to. Served it with tar tar sauce... it wasnt as good as the resturant's Sugar Cane though but it did satisfy my craving. The amazing thing was that I didnt follow the recipe to the Tee. First off I didnt have all the ingredients, so I substituted most of the main seasoning ingredients.I am a smell cook....meaning when I cook I use my sense of smell to guide me. Most people will taste it to know what they have to add or leave as it. But me...I use my nose to tell me that...and so far it hasnt failed me yet. It also helps that I am a spice junkie...I love my food hot and spicy.

After cooking up a storm I put on my tool belt and went Ty Pennington on a fallen chlothes hook. Then vacummed, mopped and sweeped the apartment.  I feel so darn Desperate Housewife. I actually started back studying....infact found a better way of focusing on my book. I studied on a treadmill. This used to work for me in college. I would sit on a exercise bike inbetween classes and while riding would read up on my assignments and study my notes. Its strange but it worked. Siting reading over my notes and doing nothing else always has my eyes wandering around the room. I have to be doing something else ...something automatic....I would either eat...or exercise. And since its been months...since I actually touched the inside of a gym and I want to increase my stamina I decided this is one way to approach it.

I also decided to try to find a study buddy and a new was of studying...since the last method didnt garnish me any success. I now have a renewed sense of zeal...and not in mourning over my failure any more. Atleast not in the "wearing black"and weeping @ the drop of a hat phase.

Overall not a bad day.....

Anyway I am off to get ready for a new day.

 

Family time

Well its Easter Sunday,

and like most holidays I spent it with the family. Went to my aunt's house today and mainly messed around with my cousin, "R". I realised since I will be moving, I wont get to spend as much time as I used to with her. Back in the day...lol ....like I am old...oh thats funny. Anyway back in the day, lil "R" was my "riding partner", which in Trini terms meant my buddy. Now "R" was basically a baby....literally...but at the time I liked going places and wanted company without really wanting to talk about anything deep or wanting anyone else's opinions of where we should or shouldnt go. I have this gift of making children like everything I say...I make vaccuming a fun sport.  So she was the perfect choice. And like most toddler's/ pre-schoolers she talked up a storm and didnt require me to talk back. Note to the Masses...Kids talk alot!

So when I would go on my museum trips, street festivals, boat rides around the city  and all that I took my lil cousin.She enjoyed getting out the house and I enjoyed frolicking in the city.  So today while @ my aunt's with a much older "R" it hit me, I wont be seeing her for a while. I mean she is now @ the age of bras, cell phones and boys. And she is just sprouting hips. She is the closest thing I have to a younger sister. So today I devoted my attention to her...mainly we sat and watched music videos online...trying the figure out...what the hell that man , The Dream, is singing about...I thought he said "Pointsetta" like the flower and she though he was saying "Call Santa"...lmao

He was really saying "Falsetto". But it was so silly and fun that I made a resolution...more of a promise to myself. To spend more time with my cousin. I dont want her to stray or be bambozelled into giving away her body. I know soon the time will come. And I want her to be aware but more importantly love and respect herself enough to not only wait...but demand other's treat her like the Queen she is.

 

Slightly Pathetic

How Pathetic am I,

Here I am on a Saturday night begging people to take me out to Sugar Cane's cause I have a craving for fish cakes and a Sorrel Shandy. Oh what I wouldnt do for it.

I was even begging my mother to take me out, she laughed @ me. I didnt think that was nice of her either. My friends are all out doing something, or inside recuperating from doing something last night. Damn them all

Sure I can take my ass out and go by my self. Infact I would like it if someone would pick me up, drop me off @ Sugar Cane's, pay for my dinner, talk only when I want them to or ask a question, take me home and make sure I make it to bed without my makeup on.  Okay infact they dont even have to come inside..they can wait outside.

 

Argh I felt like a bum all day...and this feeling is working its way through the night...I cant let them happen

 

 

Never say I dont deliver....better late than never

Okay so its really been a while since I spoke....really spoke. Many things have happened, one of the topics off the table for discussion is my exam. That has been blogged about to death. And I feel like death when I talk about it so I will move on to my TN trip, the moving, and all the inbetween. No real drama, thankfully....atleast not on my side. I have been listening to other's drama though...it took the place of Genera Hospital while my tv was out.

 

Okay TN was great. First off I got offered the job I wanted. I want to do a gig, but ofcourse the job is only valid when I get my liscense. But it felt good to get that "We want you" call. But really the big news was how I felt about TN itself. And I must admit, I had reservations, I have lived in NY most of my teenage and adult life. Alot of "Firsts" in this city. And I love it. Sure I was born and raised in the Caribbean, I have that Trini in me...always will and when my brain is on the fritz or I am deliriously happy my Trini twang can be heard singing its way from my lips usually accompanied by either a loppy grin and a raised eyebrow.  And I love Trinidad. the smell...taste..sounds.

So to have two places occupying my heart would seem like enough. But I have to say I can see myself in TN. Now I wont say I am head over heels, lets get real...its too quick too soon. But I like it, the sights, the people, the weather, the sounds. But mainly the peace and relaxed feeling I felt there. Now that could be from the lack of family demands or stress. But I would like to think it was the place itself. It had such a family atmosphere that made my crave for things I shouldnt be....not yet. But I enjoyed those feelings anyway.  When I sat at the riverfront I closed my eyes and saw myself walking along with two kids running circles around me and me with a silly grin loving every moment of it. And its not just the thought of a family and moving on to a new chapter in my life. It was more of that look on my face and what it represented. I had a look of peace and content,  genuine happiness that had more to do with me being happy with where I was in that stage of my life.

 

 

 

Anyway came back to the city and had to get ready to move to a smaller apt . Rent kept going up and up and it was not in anyone's best interest to stay where we were. So we up and left, we were on a wait list for a more affordable apt , rent stabilized , and when it came though we jumped at the chance. It has its pros and cons but for some reason I am okay with it, or maybe indifferent. I havent decided. All I know is that its fine for me for now.

I finally cleaned up all theses bills and papers on my desk and now I am ready to focus. The apt is put away, 98% and thats enough for me. I have more important things to focus on.

All else is good..Hubby is well, Family is healthy  and Friends are happy so all in all I can say I am blessed.

The other day I decided to play 21 questions with my friends ( Yes I was bored @ work....even my homegirl was like "R U Serious" and my hubby at the end of it asked "R u Depressed"...to which I both replied..."NO"...I was just bored)....anyway,  I realised that there is alot we think we know about the people we are close to  but really dont. So this is my parting excerise. PLay 21 Questions with a friend or family member or two @ a time, but do it in a way where correspondence is via, email, text message or any communication where they have to write it out. This way it gives them and u time to think about the questions. Take turn asking the questions....2 at a time for each person. And see what interesting things u learn.

 

Anyway folks I am off to shower and get the rest of this day started...smiles* Its gonna be a good day.

 

 

 

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I am not dead

I am back

Just been busy and a bit cut off from the rest of the world for a while.

But I am back on the grind.

Finally got my internet back on....moving is a B*tch. This isnt the Tn move but to a smaller apt.in NY....TN move comes later.

Anyway as you all know I am disappointed about not passing on the first go around , but I have faith that I will pass next time.

I am in the midst of getting organized and studying . Thank you for your kind words and encouragement, I will be back on the blogging scene soon. This is just a hello to let you know .,.I havent flatlined and my pulse is steady.

talk to you all soon

 

failed

thats all...

now I am going to curl up and cry for a few hours

Hidding from the World

Okay two minutes ago my computer fell...and I saw red! Maybe in my mind it was bleeding but I wanted to cry. Lately everything I touch breaks..its like I have butter fingers. Yesterday it was my dresser draw, first piece of furniture I ever worked hard and bought myself. No help, no hand-me -downs. Mine. Bought and paid for. And yesterday while trying to open the bottom draw the darn front panel came out in my hands. I was so mad....no scratch that I am frustrated!

The exam, moving, breaking things, all that crap has frustrated me.

Soon as people call I say.."I dont want to talk about it"....it was terrible. I wanted to cry @ the end of the darn thing....6 hours...6 hours of torture....I just want to pass...I dont want to do this over again...I am tired. I keep praying for sanity....knowledge and a miracle.

I so need a miracle.

Yesterday I came home and just curled up in bed..ignoring my phone...and talking only when neccessary and it was usually to the TV. ANd this morning the plan was to work..go to work and try to move on. But I cant face the world..I think I am going to wallow in self pity a little longer...How can one exam make u feel so violated.

So today although I am wallowing I have to be productive, so I will continue packing.

I keep telling myself , He brought me this far and wont let me down...I have been in so many tight situations before...and He always brought me through. Worn, tattered but eternally grateful and with a more renewed faith than before. But that doesnt stop me from worrying.

I have faith...I will pass ...yesterday I passed (this is my mantra....please let me be)

Thank you Lord for bringing me through as you always have

 

 

Obviously I am deranged!

I am officially worried myself into oblivion.

I spent most of the day, cramming, studying, doing practice exams, packing , walking around confused trying to figure out what to do next, jumping from one thought to the next, slowing losing my sanity over tomorrow's exam.

And now I am going to bed...or atleast trying to.... Janie thanks for the prayers I will need it.

I need to lie down I am giving myself a head ache

 

 

 

Nervous as Sh*t

Exam is Wednesday...life or death

I dont even know if I am coming or going..feel so confused.

Help me.....

I know soon as its over I will be less anxious but right now I am shitting bricks.

I need a miracle

 

Back in the air

In a couple of hours I will be back in the air , back to NY. I am very sad...I never thought I would even think about missing Chatt. town. But I think I will. I didnt fall in love with Chattanooga right away...it took me a while...but as someone described it "its small town living with big city amenities". And I realised...they are right...its laid back but not slow...and it embodies what I am looking for. A place where I can slow down, relax, think about raising a family, enjoy outside activities, and get about to enjoying life. I realised that at some point I stopped enjoying life as I used to. And this change is needed. 

 I found my favorite place in Chattanooga, and as my Hubby told me, its everyone's favorite. But you know for some reason it didnt take anything away from it knowing that  I was sharing it with hundreds of people. Its called the Riverfront. I will show pics soon as I can. I have a camera full of pictures, of everything and everyone.

But most of all I will miss Hubby....I know it will only be a couple of months and I have to take care of business and wrap things up in NY,  but I feel like crying. Its always like this. I get used to him , his smell, walk, way he talks, insistant humming, way his skin feels.

So I wonder...would it always be like this. Would I always be obessed with how he feels, tastes, talks, smell, thinks and just is?  I am sure it will wear off as sometimes it has , but then that....I am happy, giddy feeling comes back.

I dont want to go....I want to stay curled in bed under his arms in a dark cool room with slow jams playing. With this thought I have decided we are gonna take a vacation together. A real vacation...with no family obligations..no domestic issues.....no work...no school...no other people with issues...no one calling our names but each other. I want a vacation for just us...we never had a real one. And I vow by this time next year I will have blogged about our great vacation. And it will be somewhere warm and near the beach...there will be water activities!!!!

Anyway folks I have done packing and now getting ready to hit the airport. Sighs*