so it begins

I had my first of many "good bye" get togethers with friends and family.

Yesterday I went out with a co-worker of mine. Saw a movie...walked around a bit..it was nice. Although I know I am going to see him come Monday, we really dont get time to talk at work..it was nice being outside the "professional setting". I realised in my 3 yrs at this job he is the only person I see outside of work. Only one I even had lunch with, as simple as it sounds. Not cause I dislike the others or anything malicious as that..its simply cause he was friendly to me...genuine friendliness that was not a covered by "office-curiousity".

In any new work experience, you and your new co-workers "feel each other out"..try to figure out how to approach the other, how friendly you can get. And through it all...he was the only one who asked how I was doing and meant it. Who remembered past conversations, who dared to talk to me about his dating experiences (he is currently single and looking ladies) and who was not intimadated by my "standoff-ish manner" and respected the limits I set on our interractions. For that I respected him and enjoyed his company and will ultimately miss the time we knew each other.

Next I have to see a few of my college friends, then my family BBQ (which I told my uncle is in my honor..he decided to stroke my ego and agreed..."sure honey its all for u") and then finally my friends from H.S....my boys...which consist and 4 boys and 1 girl. lol

But these were and still am..my "riding partners" as we Trini would say. Riding Partners meaning ...those were the folks you called when you were bored, wanted to party, wanted to celebrate an occassion, invite to your wedding, mourn a loved one....My Homies, my Boys, my Riding Partners...I will miss them.

We all are going in so many different directions, embarking in new territory...every one of us. Its strange that at the same time we are all experiencing changes. I cant wait to see what the future holds for us.

 

so we are approaching the final weeks

Moving day is looking in closer, and I am getting excited. However the goodbyes are always difficult. I am cherishing these moments I have with my friends now, taking my time to enjoy their company.I forget how they make me laugh, in a lot of ways they have become my family.

gonna miss them

 

Weekend flew

Wow..its hard to believe its Sunday evening already and I havent even started to get ready for the week ahead.

Between running errands, laundry, groceries, finally combing the halls of Ikea and just being....I am exhausted. I have driven more this weekend than I have in a long long while and all i wanna do is curl up in bed with a good book.

This week ahead also looks like a busy one..so much to do and get done. But I have to say it wasnt a bad weekend. Time is winding down.. ..just looked @ the calender..I have 3 wks ...wow

anyway...to tired to type

 

laying here

I am laying here trying not to listen to my neighbours scewing their brains out.

Its difficult and frustrating, its also been over 6 minutes..a record for dude. I never hear moans or anything...wow..I just heard my first moan as I said that...Interesting. It was more of a feminine gasps moan...sounds like she was caught by surprise. How pathetic is it to be blogging about ur neighbours sex life. I have officially hit rock bottom.

Only the bed and furniture rocking and creaking..and vibrations. hmm sighs* I will go back to looking @ houses online....and make lists..how exciting

I've been trying not to curse...but gosh darn it people tempt me

Driving anywhere with my mother is a ...sigh*...feat. It never fails, everytime, we always get in an argument. My only request is that when I am driving she shuts up. I know this may seem ridiculous but when your passenger starts dictating to you when you should shift lanes, slow down, stop, breathe, go, roll over...it can be distracting to say the least. Infact it can be Flickin' irritating....yes I am substituting words now.

So ofcourse it happened again...she distracted me and I almost got pulled over by the cops and I swear the scream of anguish was slowly bubbling inside of me like a volcano....and I could have felt the heat rising, my fists were clenching and at the tip of my tongue I wanted to scream ..."shut the F up!"...I know...I know..its my mother how could I even think it. But nevertheless the thought was there ...but I calmly said...."Please refrain from unnecessary sudden outbursts, its distracting when I drive". Ofcourse I knew she could read my mind.  I dont curse at people..I think its akin to spitting in their face. But she danced on my last nerve and I couldnt help the thought. Now I am thinking I need to go to Confession or something and say a few hundred Hail Mary's and ask for forgiveness for my dirty mind.

I dont want my kids to want to curse at me ...but I know they probably will want to...the urge probably will be there.Its just there are rules when someone is driving and you are the passenger...

1. Sit down and be quiet (for your own safety and theirs)

2. Directing when not asked is not "helping" (the driver will alert you when they need your assistance)

3. Directions such as "turn here and there" is useless...please use terms such as "left and right"...(the driver is not gonna to turn to look where you are pointing).

4. You are not driving , refrain from telling the driving when to switch lanes just cause you dont like driving in the middle lane...get over it..

5. Remember they , the driver has access to three mirrors...two sides and one rearview...you dont always see what they are seeing..so shut up and let them deduce when its safe to move or not.

These are my passenger rules I wish people will go by..it will make for a more joyous and pleasant driving experience..and less expletives in my head.

slept for over 12 hrs

Sometimes I get thrown off schedule and my body goes berserk as an reaction. Day before yesterday I couldnt sleep, and then decided to go work early to accomadate my restlessness...so there I was in the office @ 7am. What was I thinking...I dont like to work...its neither fun or exciting. But this is what I do when something bothers me...I throw myself into my work. Anything to get my mind off whatever it is thats on my mind...that is unless its work related..then I stay home..lol

However my body got mixed signals..she was confused by the early rising and took that as a sign to go to bed early as well...so by the time 2pm came I was nodding off. It was the longest hour of my life...finally I called it quits and ws home by 4. I slept from 5pm to 7 this morning.

My body doesnt like change...and neither does my sleep cycle. I used to be able to pull allnighters in High School and get up chipper in the morning. What happened to that young sprite me...hmm...gosh my age is showing

 

Relationship Horror story...when I told you so is not needed, only hugs and a stiff drink

Great news..got my temporary liscense...so now I can officially work in TN...the last phase of my moving plans are complete. Except for packing and actually going there...all is done.

But I also have very troubling news....so since I am moving I am notifying those who are near and dear to me...my final goodbye dinners and get togethers are being planned.I dont want a big farewell party..I want private discussions with my people....simple and nice. Cause hell..I will be back to visit and definately keep in touch. I have lots of friends, ex-classmates and people who I just cant think of leaving without a hug goodbye. So I called one of them today..she was supposed to be in Cali...like me after graduation she relocated to a new city with only her Love as support. Fortunately I knew her and him both...we were all in the same classes and although I was fond of her I thought her relationship with him was a mistake. He spoke to her like she was his child..."come here"..."meet me here now or I am leaving"...yada yada yada. But I didnt say anything...cause she was in love and never asked me my opinion of their relationship..so I kept it to myself. But unknownst to her, before they met he briefly dated another friend of mine who couldnt tolerate his "its my way or the highway" type ways....seeing that she is also a "my way or the highway"type person. lol...So I got an idea of who he was before even knowing him. But I hoped with her, my other friend, it would have been different.

Anyway they moved to Cali...it lasted a week...she was back in NY. Gist of it..he called her out her name one too many times and she decided it was the last straw..cause she, and I qoute "refused to be arrested in Cali for murder without my family near to post bail".  Great call...in my opinion. But I felt her pain..here she was plans in hand , dreams bright and then smack! its all over...and although her family is there for her and friends support her she cant help feel embarrassed and like afool. She thought she could change him..."he's nice until he gets mad" she told me. The power and truth of what I then said to her didnt hit me until I said them...I told her "The same way you met him , you will bury him". You cant change a man...a person. You may influence their perspective and add color to another spectrum of their being but you  havent "changed" the very essence of them.

 So ask yourself can I live with who they are now, forever?

It was like that Sex in the City bathroom scene, where the lady tells Carrie that horror story....see the movie if you dont know what I am talking about.

Its scarey starting anew....and even though she is back in NY, the A-hole followed her back as well, and she is doing well and focusing on her...she misses him ...he was her first..she invested 3 yrs into him and she cared for him. I am glad she is moving on , one day at a time. Lets just hope she doesnt have to implement a restraining order to get her life back on track.

 

 

 

Fantasize

As I have said numerous times..I read alot of romance novels...the good kind with heated scenes. But when I read them I dont see the characters describe in the novels..I see me and Hubby. Today I spent most of the day in the office fantasizing about this man. One would think I would get used to him, but no my body still responds and my mind goes on overdrive when I think of that man.

But today surprisingly it wasn't romance books that got me heated..it was Usher's new album "here I stand". A co-worker of mine downloaded it on a cd for me and there I was sitting at my desk bobbing my head while Usher  "Made Love in the Club".

My fantasizes dont always consists of past times between him and I but sometimes I create scenes in my mind's eye. My favorite fanatsy has to do with the back seat of the car..or front..whichever comes first. I mean as tacky and cliche as it sounds thats one of my favorites. And a most recent one comprised of the bottom of a staircase and one shoe. lol

My point is ...only with him I am adventureous and my fantasies can go wild. Only he consumes my lust-filled thoughts. I think 70 yrs from now I will probably be one of the dirtiest minded old ladies in the nursing home...I can see it now. All because I found someone who loved me like I needed to be loved.

 

Being Productive

I have been trying to write a journal entry for days

I have been very productive lately..or have I ? Cause I realised I have been expending all this energy on one project and I am yet to have it completed. The Moving date is coming closer and closer and my excitement is mounting.Things are slowly falling into place.

On Friday was my father's bday...for a present I took him to a nail salon...to get a mani & pedi. My hubby bulked at the idea at first, but my own father was excited. My father has a thing for Asian women...he likes them..according to him they have the best legs. Anyway dont ask me how I know this but it was a big joke between my parents back in the day. So on our way to the salon I told him...you finally get your wish to be touched by an Asian woman. LOL. His face lit up , he was excited. I just laughed. However on this occassion it was one of the rare times the salon was so busy that one of the male workers had to do his feet. He was a little disappointed but he hid it well. lol

I think he was just excited that he was finally going to get his toe nails cut, especially since they have grown wild and mom and I were not offering up our services. So I opted to get him professional help. PLus he needed it. His feet made Bobby Brown's looked cared for.

So the plan tonight is to sort through some clothes and slowly start packing. Anyway this is my , I am still alive entry for all you out there.

I also just peaked at the calender, next Sunday is father's day....and oddly this may be the first father's day that my brother will be here. He has his daughter's dance recital the previous day, hence he is in town. And now I am going "sh*t another present to buy". Darn holidays!

And its that time of the year for me to send out my annual Birthday list. Every year I send an email to my closest friends, a list of  presents I want for my Brithday and Christmas and where to get them. Ofcourse to some people this may seem boldface, and ridiculous. But with me its just another day in the Life of Black Jane Doe...so my people are used to my crap. Some ignore it, some curse me out, some say thank goodness cause I am not in the mood to rack my brain to figure out what you want. And if you are like my Hubby who tells me every yr...yes every yr...that I take the surprise out of presents. And yet I do it every year. And this year wont be different ... I have new ideas...charms for my bracelet. Iknow I have more ideas but I cant recall them all. And luckily for my dear friends I will be intown for my birthday...I know they are excited about that. I can see "S" reading this and saying "ohhh the excitement!" lol