Second Firsts

Last night was indeed the strangest night of all....not only was it slow and I only had three patient's which is a first for me. I also prepared my first dead body. Although it wasnt one of my patients, I volunteered to do so cause I never didnt before...and eventually I knew I had to learn and this was the best time to do so. I was suprisingly poised about the whole thing...but also too excited..I was volunteering to put on the toe tag...one of the other nurses was laughing at me. But I also had a flash back from when my grandmother died....its strange now to be on the "Nursing" side of the entire scene.
Also a coworker and I at one point had the same number of patients and a new one was coming in. So we battled it out like grown people to see who would get to sit on their ass and relax a little longer....We played "Paper, Rock,Scissors" ..his suggestion though...unfortunately for him..I won! lol...He was not a happy camper after that. but we laughed about it later.

Another first was that I got to leave work 3 hours early ( I had the least amount of patients that night) ...not enough patient's so I happily turned over my folks to the other nurses and headed home. I also got to ride in a police car with the lights on...lol...no folks I wasnt in the back seat...I was getting a ride to my car. They escort you to your vehicle at times. I like that.....anyway the Cop was so cool he goes "want to see the lights"..and ofcourse...I am like a kid in a candy store checking out all the freaking buttons in the buttons.."Darn skippy I do!" I replied and the fun began. lol
By the time I hit the bed...I was too tired and happy to even replay the day to hubby....I will later...he will get a kick out fo the cop car..I know it.
Talk to you folks later...I am off to enjoy the weekend.

Looking forward to the weekend

I am sitting in bed at 9 30 am which is early for the night owl in me, reading the newspaper. Its been so long that I came out of the lil bubble I call my world to join the rest of human society. And I remembered why I like my world better...its a "nicer" place to dwell in. In between page 1-5 , I read about 2 shootings, the downward spiral of the economy, the rigged election (yes those are my words I am still bitter from the last one) and the descent of people's morals into hell (the crap people do for money is ridiculous).
I used to watch the news alot, read the newspaper everyday on my way to school but then I found myself becoming bitter...more angry and cynical about life. My "sunny" disposition was being chipped away by the constant absorption of negative energy. I like to be informed like the next man, but I also know my limits. I am an empath....every time I read or watch a tragedy I feel overwhelmed by sadness or grief and tears automatically start flowing. I start thinking of the loved ones that person has left behind, or the gap in someone's life that their death will create, or even how , if they are alive, will get over this tragedy. Its something I cant stop, I admit I am an emotional one...and because I know myself I know my limits in what I can and cant expose myself to. Anyway thats what I am doing up so early. My brother just called me to "check my pulse", I promptly said I was alive but its 9:30 in the am and I dont converse before breakfast. But I made an exception for him, he is leaving for Japan in 2 months and I must say..I will miss him. Even though he lives hundreds of mile away now, we still talk all the time. It wont be the same, and I know since he will be on a Ship most of the time and wouldnt be available when I need to vent to him about Life and family or share a quick laugh. He is still trying to talk me into getting a webcam, I will think about it....I know its a great way to keep in touch, but I am afraid one day I leave it on and I am changing my clothes and unbeknownst to me I am staring in my own "Paris Hilton type Movie" online. Those things are dangerous. And I just realised the clock on this blog thing is wrong....hmmm note to self.."change clock".
Anyway although I work tonight, I have the weekend off...or atleast part of it. I miss the weekends...I am still trying to find a schedule that really gives me enough time off to do what I need to do but yet also maximizes my pay check. Hopefully by the end of this month I find one that works for me. I realise some folks at work , work 4 to 5 days back to back on 12 hr shifts...I couldnt even do that if I was "uppers". Hell on my second day I am like.."this is bullshit, I miss my bed". On these work schedules you need breaks inbetween or you're just gonna get sick. And I want time off to enjoy life and do things.
I still want to hit up that local bookstore to sell these novels and buy a few others as well. I really like that store...its a great concept..huge inventory of old and new books. What I dislike about bigchain stores like B&N and Books a million..is that after a month or so they change their inventory and you cant find an older book by your favorite author...only their new stuff...and I get it..I know the reason why this is...but it sucks anyway. Wow I am talkative this morning arent I, especially for someone who hasnt had breakfast yet. I think its cause we were up most of the night. It has me energized. Anyway I am off to start breakfast and maybe do something outside of the house today...hmm who knows.

I am sexist when it comes to OB/GYNs and I wont apologize for it.

A good gynaecologist is hard to find. For months I have been looking, all I wanted was "She..yes has the Doc has to have what I have...a vagina..speak English, office is close to my home, taking new patients and basically speaks English". I know I said that already....but language barriers can be the difference between you and warm stirrups. We all want warm stirrups. Anyway finally I found her...I am excited. I know you must be thinking , whats the big deal with a OB/GYN. Well its important...I spend more time having intimate discussions with my Gyn than I do with my self. I had a great one before, infact she was a Nurse Practioner..which to me made it even better...they understand the nursing/caring part of medicine and has the power to write a prescription. I always thrive to look for Nurse Practioner's they are great. Anyway as I was saying...OBGYN's are important...I think its impertitve that a woman has a trusting relationship with that doc. A bad ob/gyn experience can really send a woman in hidding. I remember when I did my ER rotation there were so many girls coming in with no GYN. I was upset....mainly cause I thought..."Geez its time you take care of your body..you know your hairdresser by name but you dont have a personal OB/GYN!!!". Your body is your temple , and your vagina its core.
So here I am excited over finally finding an OB/GYN. Another thing to cross off my "To Do List".
Now if I can only find my ass over to the DMV to change my liscense I will be on schedule. lol

I am home...still have a long week ahead of me

Whew...to say the least its been a trying week...work has been very busy but today was the strangest of all....I actually found myself with "free time". At first I was baffled by the concept..lol...didnt know what to do...found myself making extra work for myself but the plus side about it...I got to come home ontime. Yesterday was also a busy day for the hospital as well, I heard there were guns pulled in the ER and they had to shut the thing down. Coming in last night I saw the news crews leaving and knew something was up. Even my usual entrance was locked. Security was very tight...lets see how long it lasts. Hell at NYU they have better security than at the hospital and they dont even carry guns. However if you ask where all the NYU security personnel come from 9/10 they are ex military or police. I remember thats the first thing I noticed while working there...to gain entry to and from the place is so ridiculously simple. They need to beef up their security.
Anyway it was a good night, however I ran out of uniforms and now I have to do laundry, even though I work tonight. I finally filled out my application for the Master's program and if all goes well I start at the end of this month. I am excited and my office is shaping up nicely.
I was having a conversation yesterday about my blog with a gf of mine and she asked me arent you afraid of it being read by everyone. And I immediately thought..."NO". Everything I speak about here I turn around and talk about it loudly. Just without so many F-bombs and I try to use my "Happy tone"..lol. I also thought...when this blog first started it was to be an outlet to vent my anger because before I didnt address what was bothering me head on. Now its just a place to talk about anything and everything...and since unlike her I dont care to pay a therapist to talk smack to...I have "Joe Public" to do so. I think when you have a place to share your feelings, whether its your best friends, spouse, therapist, parents or priest, it makes you a healthier person. It allows you to let go of the bad and focus on the good and wonderful. Like...you are loved and in love, you and your loved ones are healthy, happy and blessed. Cause some people arent that lucky. Some people are bitter, angry and miserable and they will try to bring that misery to your life just cause they see you are smiling. And truthfully when I see that...I think...I feel sorry for you...isnt that right Jenn?
smiles*

Firsts!

This is going be fast ad short..cause I am running back to work.
Last night I experienced alot of Firsts in Nursing. This was the first time I administered "Beer" as medication.....yes I kid you not. Instead of the patient going through detox, it was cheaper and my effective to give him his "six pack a day" regimen. I almost laughed....but then I realised they were not kidding. I have so many ethical questions about that one...but that would make this entry longer than it needs to be.
I had many other first's last night, but now today starts with another first. I am supposed to be sleeping right now...enjoying my day off...but I got my first "callback". Where they ask me to come back to work. I was a bit surprised..and ofcourse I could have refused...but they offered extra money and the day off tomorrow...plus I wanna buy Hubby a nice gift for our anniversary and buy that Massage recliner I have been eyeing. But truthfully, I am tired as shit! Soon after I got that phone call, I developed a headache. I havent eaten in how long, and I am on my last uniform for the week..I need to do laundry. I just hope it is better tonight...cause I might need to be placed on meds to keep my anger in check tonight to deal with some bullshit.
This morning though, I almost sh*t my pants....my boss called me into her office...I thought I did something wrong. First time, being called in her office. But she really just wanted to tell me she has been hearing good things about me. The relief on my face was so evident I swear I saw her smirk.
Even though I am a nurse, and I give all my patient's the same treatment...whether I like them or think they are bullsh*tting me and treating this Hospital as a Hotel...I still try to be impartial...but sometimes I too get attached to some patients. I feel their frustration at their situation. And its hard to not want to hug them and say..it will be oka. Last night was a first for that too.,

So I finally made it!

Well as most of you I was not happy about the closing of AOL Journals...frankly cause I am lazy and didnt feel like changing over...change doesnt come easy for me. Its not like I automatically oppose it, my brain just goes..."its not broke, why fix it". Anyway I am finally on my own. No more Orientation...*does a Jig*. Last night was my first night on my own, it felt great! I felt so incontrol and my timing was perfect..I was able to get out on time...when my mother called me this morning I was already back in bed. I also bought a couch....and I know soon as one of my friend's read this she will shake her head and roll her eyes. But its Orange. Yes I said it, I bought an orange couch. Well technically its not straight orange..its an rustic orange-brown color. I love it. Soon as I saw it I thought..I have to have it. Mainly cause I am tired of all the white in my house...the stark white is driving me crazy..I feel like I am in a mental ward...so I needed a splash of color. Ofcourse soon as I told my mother she was laughing so hard she started wheezing...talk about "Parental support". My brother ofcourse said that nothing I do anymore surprises him..so I intrepreted that to mean he likes it. *shrugs* . My anniversary is coming up...October 30th...I am more excited this year about it than ever...mainly cause hubby and I are actually gonna celebrate it in the same city this time..lol. Its hard to believe 4 yrs but then sometimes it seems like we've known each other so long....that I think "only four years". But I actually wanna do the whole shabang this year. We dont get to do it often so this year it seems more important. Feels like its anniversary no. 1. I actually want us to dress up and go dancing, I want it to be one of those "corny, pseudo-romantic, candle dinner , walk on a moonlight night, act like if its only two of us in the world" type of day, that probably would never happen. And although I am setting myself up for disappointment by mentally fantasizing about it like this, it still doesnt stop me from trying to achieve it. Its stupid, its irrational but you know what, its what I want..and I am going to get it damn it!. Anyway I just rolled out of bed and already I have a ton of stuff to do. But first I have to check out this Blogger website.

IN AN UPROAR!

So I am sitting here , trying to renew my freaking antivirus protection subscription and I get a blue email from AOL. What the hell is this that these bitches want to close off AOL Journals. Come on...I know I havent been writting everyday as I planned to...but people no need to take away my outlet. I see mass murder/suicides cause of this closing. AOL Journals have saved my from going upside somebodies head..and most definately saved me from saying something devasting to my hubby. It allowed me to analyze, voice, scream, my dirty dirty thoughts without reprecussions and considerations of other people's feelings. Now they want to take it away from me on October 31st. "WHY!!!" ...I scream...."WHY!!!!!" Yes I did dramatically fall to my knees screaming like a bad actor in a B-list movie. But this is not to take away the seriousness of the situation.

Now I am so mad I wanna shop. but I wont..cause its "Rent Week" paycheck and its not allowed. Damn Damn Damn.

Anyway thats enough ranting about this....but I guess I would have to find a new place. And I would hate to do that cause this was so much more convenient. Hell I dont even go to the chat room anymore, when I play online Games its on Yahoo, most of my friends have other email addresses...so I ask...Why am I keeping AOL.  You know why..cause I am a "Loyalist". Its in my blood, I am loyal to anyone or anything that I started with that brings me pleasure.Its sad...I get comfortable and dont care to leave.

Anyway lets update you on whats been happened this week. I finally after months of being lazy sat down and did my hair myself. I sat for two hours and rolled my locs to give it those tight curls that I love..which usually last a week or two. LOL...My laziness thwarted that plan...I couldnt sleep with the curlers in my hair...and instead of leaving it for 10 hours I left it for 5 ..and hence the style lasted 2 hours and then went "blap"...lol and now back to bone straight..boring Mell. I just had to laugh at myself...but atleast my hair looks a bit neater...I should call my hairdresser, but again my laziness over takes me and my dialing finger fails to lift. But again that night I also took the time to do my finger nails...ohh never underestimate a good "Me day". It renews the spirit. 

My mother also suckered me into buying her a dress online...Its the funniest thing...it was like I was back to being her secretary...only my pay is "always in the Mail". She calls me with a Jessica London catalog in her hand..rattling off numbers and dresses she "loves", and there I go pulling out my wallet knowing I wanted to buy a dinning room chair this week. I guess its another week of eating on the stairs. Shameful but true. But I didnt mind buying it so much for her, mainly cause it brought a smile to her face and got her looking forward to something. She's been a bit depressed lately..or for my mother ..more "whinny" than usual. She needs companionship. She may say she likes being alone but my dad needs to get his but back from "vacation"and start acting right. He is another issue all together. And I wont go there tonight.

Hubby and I finally found time to have a "night on the town". Its been over a month since we did that. It felt great just to go outside of the house together with the purpose of spending time together. Our schedules have been clashing lately, I hope by next month I can rectify that. I will finally be off orientation and able to make my own schedule. Looking forward to doing that. Having that control.

ANyway I got to figure out how am I to save my aol Journal. Bullocks!.