She waited

I started writing this at 3 am after I got the call....its now 7pm.

My family all believed she waited until all of us was there...that she was holding out for my brother and my other cousin to arrive. For her to die on a Sunday morning seems fitting to me. Sundays are her favorite day of the week.

I miss her already..today was the first time I was in the house since she went to the hospital. I kind of purposely avoided it...in a way if she wasnt there it seemed no reason for me to be there,,,even though it was full of family and friends. But my brother wanted to be surrounded by them . Surprisingly after the call I didnt want to go see her, even though we were with her all day before, but I just didnt feel like dealing at that moment. But my brother needed to go..and truthfully its after three in the morning and I wasnt keen about him going by himself. So I went but u know whats surprising ..even though he "had to go"..mainly I think he couldnt sit at home any more, he didnt cross the threshold of the hospital room door. I knew how he felt he didnt want to see her like that..lifeless. and in a way I wish I didnt...I wish I didnt see her cause I keep picturing her lying there with tear streaks on her face. 

I miss her already. But today was strange being at the house...full of family and friends..going through old photo albums...although we were quiet...most of the times...it wasnt somber. For that I was glad. We spent most of the time reminiscing about old times..old friends and family...laughing at the ridiculous clothes we wore ...and how skinny we all looked....with huge heads. It was nice but I wish she was here to enjoy it. She would have loved it.